SEO Gargantua: Jose Fernandez Bat Toss Weight-Loss Trick

Sources close to the situation — and also just the box score itself — suggest that right-hander Jose Fernandez has homered tonight off Mike Minor in the sixth inning of Miami’s game against Atlanta. Internet hysteria suggests further that Fernandez has tossed his bat aside, spit on Atlanta third baseman Chris Johnson, and stabbed Atlanta manager Fredi Gonzalez in the subclavian artery with a crudely made shiv-weapon.

Mostly by way of Jeff Sullivan’s industry, NotGraphs presents here part of what appears to have been a night full of goddamn American fists in Miami, Florida.