Report: Schwinden’s Story “Probably Metaphor”

NEW YORK — With the news today that the New York Mets‬ have claimed right-hander Chris Schwinden off waivers — this, after Schwinden was originally waived by the Mets themselves on June 2nd and then subsequently claimed and dropped by the Blue Jays, Indians, and (most recently) the Yankees, all over the course of a month — America’s leading poets, novelists, and writers of non-fiction are pretty sure that Schwinden’s month-long journey is a metaphor for something, although for what, precisely, is unclear.

“There’s something distinctly rich about Schwinden’s experience in June and so far in July,” said Elinora Straus, head of the Creative Writing department at Vassar College. “In particular, to have settled with the team that originally released him: that’s stirring. ‘Why, though?’ is the question. ‘I don’t know, actually,’ is my answer, presently.”

“Maybe it’s the cycle aspect,” suggested Dr. Lloyd Tanner, a professor of literature at Notre Dame and author of A Month of Sundays, a memoir of Tanner’s Catholic upbringing that uses a lot of different tropes and narrative arcs and literary devices. “Or maybe it’s a redemption thing. Or, I know: it’s a tale of persistence, perhaps.

“Hard to say, really,” uttered Tanner finally, before peering, defeated, out onto the university’s quad.

As of press time, America’s literary critics were found reading the entry for “Themes” at Wikipedia.

Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

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11 years ago

The question everyone seems to be asking themselves is “What’s next for Chris Schwinden?”.

Only time will tell.