Reillocity’s Alternative Team Names

As you may have noticed, here at NotGraphs we occasionally rely upon the kindness of readers to lead us by the clammy hand to content worthy of our revered imprimatur. Usually, this entails sending us a link or even vague hints at search terms. As you are about to learn, however, this writer is not averse to wholesale plundering of the reader’s innermost thoughts.

Cherished reader Reillocity, who maintains a philosophic calm despite his triumphs in Muay Thai, regaled us in the Busy Businessman thread with tales and examples of a thing that does things to things (URGENT UPDATE: Noble reader glassSheets also played an extra-vital role in doing my work for me). It is my belief that the Internetting Gentleman will appreciate what happens next …

Mr. Reillocity has taken it upon himself to replace each base-and-ball team’s name with the noun that appears seven places later in your standard-issue large and dangerous dictionary. And now for the output most pleasing:

Arizona Diaphragms, Atlanta Breadfruits, Baltimore Ornithologists, Boston Red Softeners, Chicago White Softeners, Chicago Cudgels, Cincinnati Redcaps, Cleveland Individualists, Colorado Rodents, Detroit Timbers, Florida Marmots, Houston Atheists, Kansas City Rubber Bands, Los Angeles Ankles of Anaheim, Los Angeles Doggies, Milwaukee Bridegrooms, Minnesota Twits, New York Microbes, New York Yardbirds, Oakland Atmospheres, Philadelphia Phinanciers, Pittsburgh Pitchers, San Diego Pagodas, San Francisco Gilds, Seattle Markings, St. Louis Cargoes, Tampa Bay Readings, Texas Rapids, Toronto Bluff Jellies, Washington Native Americans

Part of me feels that I should support the Houston Atheists. After all, they’ll need the support given the fact that sanctioned embrace of heresy tends not to play well in Harris County, Texas. Then again, what kind of Internetting Gentleman would I be if I did not align my interests with those of the Toronto Bluff Jellies? Viva la Bluff Jellies!

And thanks to my thievery, I have entitled myself to yet another of David Appelman’s large novelty checks, with which he is always so prompt and generous.