Tweet: The Detroit Tigers Mascot in a Box
Below these words is a giant, embedded tweet. The text of the tweet, which comes from the official Twitter account of Major League Baseball, contains an image — and that image is of the Detroit Tigers’ mascot in a giant cardboard box.
Regarding the image, I have nothing to say. Regarding the text of the aforementioned tweet, I would like to deliver a long and impassioned speech.
Would like to, I say. Lo, I am without an audience — nor are my prospects for gathering one very good. Also, I’m not wearing pants.
In lieu of the speech I would — and, America, could — have given, allow me to make only a brief comment on the suggestion that the following image exists, and was tweeted out, “for no good reason.”
As Aristotle (in his Ethics) and R. Kelly (in every song ever) both note, there are things that are valuable not as a means to another, greater end, but as an end in and of themselves. For Aristotle, that end is the pleasure one derives from wisdom; for Kelly, it is the celebration of the sex act. For still another, it is the very real fact that we live in a world where a real, human person dresses up as a tiger and then sits in a box.
A tiger like this one, in box like this one, too:
Sure, we could show you an update of Cabrera’s switch to 3B but HERE’S TIGERS MASCOT PAWS IN A BOX FOR NO REASON: twitter.com/MLB/status/169…
— MLB (@MLB) February 13, 2012
Thank you to R.J. Anderson, of the enemy, for bringing the above tweet to my attention.
Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.
You do realize that when you punctuate an article to this extent, the mind of your reader often feels as though it just completed the 110m hurdles, right?
Probably my favourite article of February though.
Am just trying to make sweet love to English, dogg. Sometimes that means going out and giving 110%.
So would that be sending the reader’s mind through the 121m hurdles?
Love making, dear friend, shouldn’t be predicated on awkward pauses used merely to delay the inevitable conclusion. You wanna know how Dayn makes love to me? There is no flow, no pauses, no mood setting or explanations. There is just, “It’s a goddamn tiger in a Box!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
–The English Language