Phillies Pull Plug on Chase Utley
The first in a new series:
What happens if you only read the first half of a headline?
In this case… poor Chase Utley.
Much-consolidated excerpt from actual article:
MIAMI – In the end, there was too much risk and too little time. [For] one month… the Phillies staved off formal elimination. [But] before the Phillies dropped a 2-1 decision to the Miami Marlins that ended their postseason chances, GM Ruben Amaro Jr. and manager Charlie Manuel informed Utley… [h]is work [on Earth]… was done.
“I don’t know if it’s a matter whether or not he can [recover],” Amaro said. “I think it’s more a matter of practicality and what’s really best for the team overall.”
Amaro, for one, said [Utley] was… “dead.” … [I]t appears the team is fully headed in another direction.
“It’s tough to put the guy in that position right now,” Amaro said.
Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.
This looks like a truther’s excerpt from a 9/11 document, except that it is more likely to be true.