Partially-True Facts About Bryce Harper
1. Harper wears #34 in tribute to Rockies pitching coach Bob Apodaca.
2. Harper’s older brother, Bryan, is half-mermaid.
3. Harper has been featured on the covers of Sports Illustrated, Baseball Digest, The New Yorker, and Every Day With Rachael Ray.
4. In 2008, Harper was Batting Average Leader for the State of Israel.
5. Although Harper played catcher in high school, the Nationals drafted him as a pitching coach.
6. Harper is in the middle of a 5-year contract worth more than the gross national product of over 80 countries around the world.
Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.
Bryce Harper goes to bat with a giant cigar, which he smokes after the game.