Via Pony Express comes to me George Vecsey’s Stan Musial: An American Life. As a Cardinals fan, I am, of course, in a perpetual state of adoration of all things Stan. After all, he was one of the greatest players in the history of ever, and, according to everyone in the world not named Murray Chass, he’s also a gem of a human being.

At present, I’m shin deep in Nixonland, which is quite good but decidedly tome-ish. So it’ll be a while before I get around to Stan. When I do, though, I’ll be sure to share my thoughts, which are as muscle-bound as they are lucid and handsome.

Digusting.

Word from the internet today suggests that Major League Baseball is “probing” (as it’s definitely characterized in at least one headline) an obscene gesture that Andre Ethier made in the direction of a photographer before Monday’s game against the Milwaukee Brewers at Dodger Stadium. While we’ll leave it to the self-starter to track down the image in question, the reader can rest assured that he’ll be morally ravaged upon seeing it.

It remains to be seen what, if any, action the league will take with Ethier. The bigger question ought to be why this particular gesture is the one getting MLB’s attention.

As the collection of images above makes perfectly clear, Ethier has a pretty well established history of obscene gesture-making — if not always in a manner familiar to North Americans.

Regard:

1. In India, to make this gesture beside a woman in tank top means something to the effect of “I want to make you pregnant with 99 children at once.”

2. For Estonians, this is not a sign of joy, but rather a suggestion of what one would like to do to another’s goat.

3. Here, Ethier indicates how many pieces the pitcher’s testicles will be in after he (i.e. Ethier) has busted the latter’s balls. [Of Italian origin.]

4. Just generally obscene.

5. This is a variation on the dance from the Spice Girls’ hit “2 Become 1” — and obscene for that reason.

In the ninth inning of a tied game on Wednesday, the Royals had two runners picked off of first base. Now it seems that night’s lineup card gives a little insight to the cause of the blunders.

Glove slap: kcemigre

Last week’s matchup was the blowout that you’d expect with a #1 seed in the first round, and we’ll have to call it: 1981 Topps Rollie Fingers has roundly defeated 1981 Topps Rich Gale despite username “Mac” and his strong support for Mr. Gale. Now it’s time to move to another conference and check out a similar blowout-ready clash.

As always, vote as you see fit. Although your biased tournament president only sees one ending to THIS matchup.

#8. 1983 Fleer Terry Felton
Did you know? I was the strikeout leader in Toledo in 1981! 99 of em! I played football in high school, too. I was the second overall pick! My eyes are clear, my heart is full, I can’t lose. Look at the hopefulness in my gaze. Look at the anticipation. Do you want to crush this? I’m on my way!

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The Tampa Bay Devil Rays. I hate ‘em. All the while knowing that I shouldn’t.

I have to, though. Hate, I mean. It’s in my contract as a proud supporter of the Toronto Blue Jays. When the team you root for hasn’t qualified for the postseason in, oh, almost 20 years, eventually all you’re left with is hatred for those teams in the American League East that do play baseball in October. I hate the New York Yankees. The Boston Red Sox, too. I ignore the Baltimore Orioles, bless their hearts. I used to be able to say the same about the Rays. I miss those days.

I didn’t think it was possible, but, after reading Jonah Keri’s The Extra 2%, my dislike for the Rays has actually increased. And that’s not to say Mr. Keri’s book wasn’t a great one. It was. I found it, most of all, readable; the type of book you start and finish on a four and a half-hour cross-country flight. I mean, from Tampa’s struggle to finally land a team, to all that losing, to the vision displayed in going against the grain in assembling an unconventional front office, which led to the exorcising of so many demons, and, finally, to their rise from worst to first. What’s not to love? And I didn’t even mention Joe Maddon. The unparalleled Joe Maddon, with his glasses, his love of vino, and, of course, “The Danks Theory,” which he repeatedly put to good use against Toronto, when Shaun Marcum was still a Blue Jay.

I’ve found plenty not to like, though. Ben Zobrist, to start with. I should appreciate the likes of Zobrist, a nomad on the diamond, who’s enjoying a 2009-like renaissance at the plate. But I can’t. And, no, I can’t explain why. Hatred is illogical; there’s no rhyme or reason. Then there’s David Price, and his 8-0 record and 1.99 ERA in nine career starts against Toronto. The Blue Jays bore David Price.

After much introspection, I’ve figured it out: I hate the Rays because they’ve become everything the Blue Jays haven’t. I like to think of myself as being self-aware, so I have to admit it: I’m jealous. The Rays have conquered baseball’s toughest division in a market much smaller than Toronto’s, with far fewer resources, in an even more inferior domed ballpark.

That’s why they’ll always be the Devil Rays to me.

Image courtesy Victoria Lucas.

Resolve: Is Wisconsin’s Union Terrace our country’s greatest public space?

I don’t think I’m telling any tales out of school, reader, when I submit that the City of New York has played, and will continue to play, a major role in this country’s popular culture.

The films of Woody Allen, sitcoms such as Seinfeld and Friends and 30 Rock, the music of Jay-Z and Mos Def and the Beastie Boys, the ubiquity of publications like the New York Times and the New Yorker and New York Magazine: each features, with some degree of prominence, the city that has been called by all sorts of people the “Biggest of Apples.”

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And so it begins … What “it” is is a thing to determine the Base-and-Ball Cultural Alphabet. And what is that? Allow me to explain …

On occasion, I read this book to my young spawn. It assigns players, based on surname, to each letter of the alphabet. Some of the choices are … curious to the point of suggesting malice aforethought. I shall not pursue civil litigation. This is because I mostly enjoy the book. What I shall do, however, is expand the pool of eligibles to include not only players but also baseball humans of other persuasions, things related to our fair game, ideas, notions both fleeting and timeless, and so on. I do this in the service of, as you might guess, assembling The Base-and-Ball Cultural Alphabet. For that, I need your help, page viewers.

We start with the letter “A.” Below, I will list the 10 candidates for election, and I will also briefly regale you with tales of him, her or it. Voting is enabled and, much like regular applications of imported cologne, encouraged.

Who or what will represent the letter “A” in The Base-and-Ball Cultural Alphabet? That’s up to you, muscled readers …

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The Actual Thing you see pictured here (and which you’re free to click for embiggen-ing purposes) comes to us not from the wild frontier of the internet, but rather from the Dark Overlord of FanGraphs Inc. himself, David Appelman.

While, as per usual, Appelman’s exact whereabouts are unknown, wherever he is is also the sort of place that sells the item which is (a) currently washing over your senses and (b) called the King Pepper-brand Baseball Bat Pepper Mill.

As the cardboard display makes plain enough, this pepper mill possesses the following qualities:

• Ideal für BBQs
• Perfekte Geschenkidee
• Hochwertiges Mahlmechanism
• Grosse Pfefferkapacitat

Per the internet, this item is available for just 29.95 American dollars. How much that is wherever Appelman has found himself — that’s harder to say.

The bottom of the ninth of last night’s KC loss to Texas offers us a bounty of delights. With the Rangers in front 3-2, Organizational Jesus Erik Hosmer hit a spank to tie the score. Then, small miracle of small miracles, Jeff Francoeur drew an unintentional walk (!). Then … Well, let’s just roll tape …

N Feliz J Francoeur 9 0 ___ 3-3 Jeff Francoeur walked. 2.28 0.52 71.5 % .073 0.39
N Feliz J Dyson 9 0 1__ 3-3 Jarrod Dyson picked off. 3.17 0.91 58.3 % -.132 -0.64
N Feliz B Butler 9 1 ___ 3-3 Billy Butler walked. 1.84 0.28 63.8 % .055 0.27
N Feliz M Aviles 9 1 1__ 3-3 Mike Aviles picked off. 2.94 0.54 53.7 % -.101 -0.43
N Feliz W Betemit 9 2 ___ 3-3 Wilson Betemit struck out looking. 1.42 0.11 50.0 % -.037 -0.11

It’s one thing to have two runners picked off at first base in the ninth inning of a tie game. It’s another thing when both pick-off-ees are pinch runners and, thus, notionally in the game precisely not to do such a thing. It’s something else altogether when said pinch runners are the first two pick-off victims of the pitcher’s career.

Viva la Royals!

Denton True “Cy” Young was a great pitcher …

Denton True “Cy” Young was also a great mustachioed pitcher. Denton True “Cy” Young was also a great chinless pitcher. And, as Venn Diagrams teach us, Denton True “Cy” Young was also a great mustachioed, chinless pitcher. So a little respect, please.