NotGraphs (Super)Power Rankings

10. Breath Underwater

Better than not having any super power. Helpful if you’re a Navy Seal. Add fake shark fin for non-stop pranking fun.

9. Climb Walls/Shoot Spider Webs

Benefit to your peeping-tom hobby. Can easily avoid traffic jams. Never have to get up to fetch the remote.

8. Laser Eyes

Never get mugged again. Impromptu bird hunting always a possibility. Legit reason to wear sunglasses at night.

7. Control the Weather

Adds realism while telling scary stories. Perfect lawn. Always snows on Christmas.

6. Hammer-Wielding Alien

Abs. Pecs. Face.

5. Generally “Super” Alien

Bulletproof. Can turn back time. Job at a newspaper.

4. Accelerated Healing Capabilities

No hangovers. Eat all the fast food you want. Invulnerable to logging injuries.

3. Teleportation

Never late for probation meetings. First in line when the liquor store opens. No more bathroom accidents.

2. Flight

Avoid airports. Not required to fly commercial. Seriously, airports are the worst.

1. Invisibility

See every movie for free. Get to see your kids graduation, even though you weren’t invited. Freak people the fuck out.