“My Fantasy Team Sucks More Than Your Fantasy Team” — Act One, Scene One

Last week, I invited suggestions for a fantasy-baseball themed play we’re all going to write together.

After reading through the comments, I’ve decided this will be more fun as a musical. The start of the opening song is below. Your comments will help decide what happens next, as well as future song ideas/titles. Curtain up.

[scrippet]
INT. CARSON’S CISTULLI’S BASEMENT — EVENING

A long table. A white board filled with names. Twelve tired, hungry, angry men and women dressed in baseball jerseys, fighting with their laptop computers. We’ve reached the last round of the draft. Some of our twelve are happy, but most aren’t. And even the ones that are happy probably shouldn’t be. The spotlight drifts around the stage, catching each of them as they decide their final picks.

PLAYER ONE

I’ve got a middle infield
Of Reyes, Brian Roberts, and Jeter
I’ve got all the faith Brian’s been healed
So really nothing much could be sweeter
Than Reyes, Brian Roberts, and Jeter

And, sure, Jeter’s out for a month
But we all know he’s a quick healer
And, sure, Roberts hasn’t played in a while
But healthy he is still a big stealer
And snagging Reyes couldn’t be idealer
I also used a pick on Zack Wheeler

PLAYER TWO

Aaron Hicks, Aaron Hicks
I hope he sticks
At the top of round six
I took Aaron Hicks

PLAYER THREE

It’s gonna be a big year
For AL MVP Mike Moustakas
Showing us this spring that his time’s here
He’s learning how to take his walk’as
Hitting homers to make people gawk’as
It’s very hard to rhyme with Moustakas

PLAYER FOUR

Adam Dunn, Adam Dunn
He’s so much fun
You say he’s done?
Not Adam Dunn, Adam Dunn

ALL FOUR OF THEM

I go into the season with so much hope
And after a week, I feel like a dope
When my players wind up on the DL
I damn them to hell
I scream and I yell
I just want to sell
I feel like a schmuck
But at least I ended up with a better catcher than John Buck
[/scrippet]