MLB TeeVee: The Big Hurt Theory

This is the seventh in a series of short excerpts from MLB Network’s entirely imaginary new fall sitcoms. More details here.

Today’s show: THE BIG HURT THEORY

[scrippet]
INT. FRANK’S APARTMENT — DAY

Frank is watching a ballgame on TV.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
…and that’s strike three. Another strikeout by the Sox.

FRANK
Even three years out of baseball, I could do better than this.

SHELDON enters.

SHELDON
Actually, Frank, you couldn’t. Do you know how quickly reaction time slows as you age? You haven’t even used most of your hitting muscles since 2008. You’d be lucky to get a hit off Jamie Moyer out there.

FRANK
Jamie Moyer is six years older than me.

SHELDON
Chronologically.

FRANK
Uh, yeah. What other kind of age is there?

SHELDON
What other kind of age is there? You’re funny, Frank. There’s mental age, there’s developmental age, emotional age. For instance, while my chronological age is 32, my mental age is 157.

FRANK
And your emotional age?

SHELDON
Three.

FRANK
Well, I think I could still hit a fastball.

SHELDON
Only on the moon, Frank. Only on the moon.

FRANK
Why the moon?

SHELDON
You’re funny.

SHELDON exits.

FRANK pulls out his phone, dials a number.

FRANK
Hey, remind me again why I can’t afford to live without a roommate?
[/scrippet]