MLB Offseason Power Rankings
| Team | Watts per Second | Notes | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Giants | 2000-10000 | Size of giant varies widely based on lore |
| 2 | Rays | 1,004 | 527W infrared, 445W visible, 32W ultraviolet |
| 3 | Marlins | 428 | A marlin actually capsized a boat last week |
| 4 | Tigers | 348 | Tiger |
| 5 | Cubs | 60-300 | age indeterminate; brown bears reach 80 lbs by age 1 |
| 6 | Twins | 134 | 2x Humans |
| 7 | Braves | 79 | Human warrior |
| 8 | Athletics | 75 | Human whose reputation is based on physical strength |
| 9 | Mariners | 74 | Human used to physical toil |
| 10 | Brewers | 71 | Human used to working in factories |
| 11 | Rangers | 69 | Human used to sitting on horses, chasing people |
| 12 | Dodgers | 68 | Human with some semblance of dexterity |
| 13 | Yankees | 67 | Human |
| 14 | Indians | 67 | Human |
| 15 | Nationals | 67 | Human |
| 16 | Mets | 65 | Human used to riding in taxis, not using gym memberships |
| 17 | Pirates | 64 | Human used to drinking rum, possibly one-legged |
| 18 | Padres | 63 | Human used to living quietly, giving sermons |
| 19 | Royals | 60 | Human likely suffering from gout |
| 20 | Diamondbacks | 4 | Snake |
| 21 | Orioles | 2 | Bird, 22-30cm |
| 22 | Blue Jays | 2 | Bird, 20-30cm |
| 23 | Cardinals | 2 | Bird, 21cm |
| 24 | Angels | 1 | Incorporeal being, can rub condensation off mirrors |
| 25 | Red Sox | 0 | Clothing |
| 26 | White Sox | 0 | Clothing |
| 27 | Reds | 0 | Clothing |
| 28 | Rockies | 0 | Inanimate Object |
| 29 | Phillies | 0 | Inanimate Object |
| 30 | Astros | 0 | Intangible Concept |
Patrick Dubuque is a wastrel and a general layabout. Many of the sites he has written for are now dead. Follow him on Twitter @euqubud.
A Philly is a female horse, no?
That’s a ‘Filly’
I would interpret “Phillies” as “very large Pennsylvanian cities,” which would make the Phillies the runaway winners.
Or “Phillies” is just short for “Philadelphians” in which case, human.
The nickname Phillies is an abbreviation of the Philadelphia Philadelphias, dating from 1883.
Also: I request that every one of you address them as such from now forward.
Doesn’t this make them “Humans prone to liking other humans, but not in a gay way”?
The city of men enjoying the company of other men.
The Greek word is not so specifically ‘brother’ but rather ‘sibling’ in general and literally ‘of the same womb’.