Milwaukee Brewers Have Literal Milkshake for Boys at Yard

Magna Carta, the Constitution, and the Brewers dessert policy.

It is not a question of if, but how hard, the present author will defame both himself and his entire family line during his debut on Monday, at Miller Park, as a Proper Baseball Writer.

With a view to softening the inevitable blow, however, that same author has spent some portion of the weekend within the pages of the Milwaukee Brewers media guide.

From this document I’ve learned, for example, both that right-handed reliever Burke Badenhop graduated magna cum laude from Bowling Green State University with a degree in economics and also that the Brewers, as an organization, haven’t conducted a trade with the Miami (née Florida) Marlins since a November 1996 deal for left-hander Joel Adamson (in exchange for right-hander Eddie Collins).

I’ve also learned that the media interview room is located across from the home clubhouse and that attempting to purloin from Ryan Braun a lock of his hair is grounds for revocation of one’s credential*.

*Not expressly stated, this point about Braun’s hair, but certainly implied.

The most important lesson to be derived from the media guide, however, is that the Brewers organization is for (and not against) the people — and that, yes, while they’ll be charging a certain number of American dollars for a full meal, that they’re also not monsters — and that the consumption of certain popular dessert treats is not a privilege among the residents of the Bob Betts Press Box, but a right — and that, therefore, frozen yogurt and milkshakes shall be complimentary for credentialed media for now and for ever and amen.