Man Parlays Admiration for Corey Kluber into Goods, Services

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March 27, 2014

Earlier on Thursday, the Cleveland Indians announced via Twitter that they would reward the fan who could most ably document his or her enthusiasm for the club with two opening-day tickets for Progressive Field’s so-called Social Suite. (Approximate retail value: $348.06.)

The official rules for the contest are decidedly robust, both in terms of Legal Verbiage and Capitalized Nouns. Here’s a mostly relevant excerpt, however:

The object of the Contest is to create and post an original photo showcasing your Tribe Town pride (the “Entry“). You must post your Entry via a public tweet as directed by @Indians (the “Club Account“), and include the hashtag #TribeTown (the “Hashtag“) in accordance with these Official Rules to be eligible. Staff members of Cleveland Indians Baseball Co. LP (the “Judges” or “Sponsor“) will select the most compelling Entry in accordance with these Official Rules and based upon criteria set forth in the Judging section below to determine the Winner.

Generally speaking, this is the sort of thing at which the present author — whose entire person is refined and mannered — might consider snubbing his nose. “Let the common people fight over the scraps,” I’ve maybe said aloud once regarding this sort of public relations effort. “Allow them to conduct their affairs like some manner of cog in some manner of machine,” I’ve maybe proclaimed in a cartoonishly patrician and entirely affected accent, not unlike the one utilized by late cartoonish patrician William F. Buckley

In this particular instance, however, such comments would have been misplaced. In this case, what I certainly would have failed to recognize is that the capital-J Judges responsible for selecting the capital-W Winner — what I would have failed to recognize is that said Judges appear to possess razor-sharp taste.

For evidence of same, regard the strangely huge image below, which depicts the Winners of the relevant contest (the Brothers McMahon, it would appear) displaying their sartorial ingenuity.

In conclusion, life is not entirely — but only just mostly — a terrifying waste.





 

Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

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Mr. Observant
11 years ago

“The Kluberite which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind. Kluberites should think before putting down the instinct of self-preservation as the cardinal instinct of an organic being. A Kluberite seeks above all to discharge its strength–life itself is will to power; self-preservation is only one of the indirect and most frequent results. Also, wearing a vintage Cleveland ball hat.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil

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