Lessons in Procrastination: R.B.I. Baseball 3

If you’ve yet to read The Cultural Importance of Keith Hernandez, posted yesterday by my esteemed NotGraphs colleague Dayn Perry, and not yet watched the slightly not safe for work short film “I’m Keith Hernandez” he shared, trust me: do so. I’ll wait.

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Twenty minutes well spent, eh? I told you so. When any short film begins with Keith Hernandez’s Seinfeld cameo, you know it’s not going to disappoint. And on a cold and snowy Monday afternoon up in the Great White North, “I’m Keith Hernandez” scratched me right where I itched.

Procrastination through baseball; I’ve got it almost down to an art. And recently on my travels along the highway of information, I hit the jackpot: R.B.I. Baseball 3. While video games have certainly come a long, long way, there’s nothing like a game of baseball displayed vividly in 8-bit graphics, using baseball’s 1990 rosters.

I was the Toronto Blue Jays, of course. It was an afternoon affair, in Kansas City. Dave Stieb versus Kevin Appier.

It wasn’t pretty, an 11-1 Royals final. Dave Stieb took the loss after giving up six runs in the first inning, and was spelled in relief by Jim Acker, Jimmy Key, Duane Ward and Tom Henke. My only run came courtesy of an inside the park home run by John Olerud. It was wild. Appier went the distance for the Royals, striking out 12, Tony Fernandez and Junior Felix twice, and Kelly Gruber three times. By the 8th inning, Appier was tossing junk 27 MPH. But it didn’t matter; I couldn’t hit him.

Some pointers:

• When you’re ranging right with your shortstop, trying to get to a ball in the hole on the left side of the diamond, your left fielder is running to his right, too. And when inevitably your shortstop doesn’t get there in time, you’re screwed. It’s maddening.
• On fly balls, there’s no assist circle on the field, where you’re supposed to end up to catch the ball. More madness.
• The sound effects are utterly amazing. Appreciate them.

Did I get rocked? Absolutely. Most importantly: I had fun. And that’s what counts. They were twenty-seven minutes I wouldn’t ask to be returned.

I also found, on the same website, Nintendo’s 1983 release, Baseball, and 1987’s R.B.I. Baseball.

Enjoy. And don’t mention it.