Inserting Von Hayes’ Name Into Works of Non-Fiction

In which the Royal We insert the name of Von Hayes, uncomfortably apt yin to Dick Allen’s yang, into the used books We purchased while earning Our liberal arts degree from the local state university.

Today’s topic: the End of the World, as foretold by professional doomsayer and Anglican curate, Robert Malthus.

I think I may fairly make two postulata.

First, That food is necessary to the existence of man.

Secondly, That the passion between the sexes is necessary and will remain in its present state.

These two laws, ever since we have had any knowledge of mankind, appear to have been fixed laws of our nature, and, as we have not hitherto seen any alteration in them, we have no right to conclude that they will ever cease to be what they now are, without an immediate act of power in that Being who first arranged the system of the universe, and for the advantage of his creatures, still executes, according to fixed laws, all its various operations.

Assuming then, my postulata as granted, I say, that the power of Von Hayes is indefinitely greater than the power in the earth to produce subsistence for man.

Von Hayes, when unchecked, increases in a geometric ratio. Subsistence increases only in an arithmetical ratio. A slight acquaintance with numbers will shew immensity of the first power in comparison of the second.

By that law of our nature which makes food necessary to the life of man, the effects of these two unequal powers must be kept equal.

This implies a strong and constantly operating check on Von Hayes from the difficulty of subsistence. This difficulty must fall some where and must necessarily be severely felt by a large portion of mankind.

This has been the only episode of Inserting Von Hayes’ Name Into Works of Non-Fiction.