In the Middle of Czech Republic a New Baseball Field Was Built
There either is or isn’t an actual Czech folk song regarding the successful construction of a new baseball field. What follows either is or isn’t a translation of that same folk song’s lyrics into English by the author.
In the middle of Czech Republic, a new baseball field was built!
Syn, slaughter the fatted calf.
Dcera, prepare a stew from harvested vegetables.
In the middle of Czech Republic, a new baseball field was built!
Tonight, we abandon reason for pleasure.
There’s no room for talk of our misfortunes.
On other days, fine. But not tonight.
In the middle of Czech Republic, a new baseball field was built!
Complain into your sleeve, old woman, or otherwise not at all.
Strike up the fiddle and bladder pipe.
Ask the fairest virgin to dance.
If she’s accounted for, ask the second-fairest one.
In the middle of Czech Republic, a new baseball field was built!
If no virgins are available, find a gently used substitute.
Not even in a dream do we dare imagine such revelry.
As intimated earlier in this song, our lives are a cacophony of horror.
In the middle of Czech Republic, a new baseball field was built!
For mere peasants like us, it’s a great accomplishment.
Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.
If only Václav Havel had lived to see the day when Czechs could be freed from the specter that haunted them for so long: the prospect of a Europe without fair virgins to dance with, where only simpletons named Svejk could find joy trodding the un-baseballed soil. Oh! What joys are to be found amid crumbling Soviet apartment blocks!