Help Us Help You Nude Monkey Knifefight

Thanks to Deadspin yesterday, we discovered perhaps the greatest headline ever devised by manbrains and ladyfingers, as the Philadelphia Daily News’s David Murphy tried to entice you to click with the following:

 Note how David spruces up a post explaining why the Phillies are never going to trade for Giancarlo Stanton with the name of the local nine, plus both iterations of Stanton’s name, plus boobs and Donovan McNabb, simultaneously attracting Philadelphians who are angry and horny. That’s just good headlineing. But I think we can do better. I think we have to do better, especially if we are going to compete for scarce online resources. So please, help us to help you decide what to click on so that we can better serve you, and “earn” more money. Answer the following poll question and/or suggest alternative headlines you would click on in the comments, on which I’ve been told all the finest discourse on the Internet takes place.
[polldaddy poll=”6908179″]