Headlines That Are Also Terrible Band Names

The Burj Al Arab in Dubai: where every member of Family Violence was conceived.

The following aren’t necessarily real bands, but they are real phrases taken from this morning’s real-live baseballing headlines.

Family Violence
A tongue-in-cheek Garage Rock Revival quintet with members from Oxford, England; Tokyo Prefecture; and effing space. Their haircuts cost either nothing or $1000, but you can’t tell.

Red-Hot McCarthy
All Punkabilly, all the time. (Thanks a lot, Denver.)

Nyjer Morgan
Is actually just Kool Keith. (Did not everyone know that?)

Lackey’s Stuff
Sort of like Chris Isaak, if Chris Isaak were five mostly overweight quality management specialists from Chelmsford, MA.

Cryptic Swisher
A horrifying Christian-/Anarchopunk group from Paramus, NJ. They have, and will again, try to have sex with your mother.