Feast of St. Trammell the Sinewy

Today, February 21st, is the feast day for two notable figures, as follow.

Life: Over a career that spanned 20 years, Trammell compiled 69.5 WAR, appearing at shortstop for the Tigers — for whom he played the entire time — in over 2000 games. Beyond his on-field accomplishments, which include a 1984 World Series ring and MVP trophy, he’s also widely praised for his leadership abilities and currently serves as the bench coach for the Arizona Diamondbacks.

Ritual: To recognize the life of Trammell the Sinewy, practice a Stoic gaze in the mirror.

Prayer of Trammell the Sinewy

Alan Trammell!
It’s impossible to imagine you
in any other pose
besides the one you’re assuming
on your 1978 Burger King baseball card:
hands on hips, the brim of your cap raised,
as you stand and survey a field
littered with Confederate dead.

Life: Reaching his peak years at the very same time as defensive metrics have become more nuanced — if not entirely reliable — Gutierrez has become known as one of the most talented fielders of his time, averaging 19.3 runs saved per 150 games through his age-27 season.

Ritual: To celebrate Gutierrez the Lithe, cover more ground in center field than anyone in your generation. If that’s not possible, take a few brief minutes out of your day to imagine a gazelle loping across an African steppe — except, guess what, that’s not a gazelle; it’s Franklin Gutierrez.

Prayer of Guti the Lithe

Most everyone knows that
in your native Venezuela
there exists an expensive liqueur
fashioned from rum,
over 40 different herbs and spices,
and revolutionary politics —
and known coloquially
to the denizens of Caracas
merely as “Franklin Gutierrez.”

What even top scientists
have failed to discover, though,
is which Franklin Gutierrez —
that is, the aromatic spirit
or the talented center fielder —
is the more powerful aphrodisiac.