Feast of St. Alexis the Enigma

This evening, I’m extremely pleased and proud to announce that, after an exhausting and extensive appeal, the NotGraphs Highly Reputable And Totally Real Think Tank has approved, for these very electronic pages, the canonization of active baseball players. It’s a great day to be alive. (Pun intended.)

Now, don’t for a split second think that I can do one of these as well as world-renowned poet – and baseball scholar – Carson Cistulli. But I’ll give it my best shot.

Today, this 18th day of February, 2011 years after the passing of Jesus Christ, the second soul we canonize — and first active — is celebrating his 30th year on the planet.

St. Alexis the Enigma

Life: Born in Coffee, Alabama, and hailing from the island of Puerto Rico, Alex Rios tickled Toronto Blue Jays fans for five and a half years with his potential, accumulating 17.7 WAR from 2004 to August 2009. Until the fateful day he was given –- nay, stolen –- by the Chicago White Sox. Sometimes the best laid plans go awry.

Prayer:

Hola Alex Isreal Rios!
Proficient with the bat,
Yet you always left us wanting more.
Graceful in the field,
The reason we called you the Gazelle.
When model helicopters fly in center field
Our thoughts invariably drift to you,
And to the good times.
Who gives a f*ck?
We do, Alexis. We do.
Chicago, the south side, does too.

Image courtesy the Alex Rios Fanclub.