FanGraphs Bottom 5 Prospects
1. Travis d’Artagnan, C, New York (NL). d’Artagnan was captain of the Toronto Musketeers, a semipro team led by Louis Merloni and killed when a ball hit him in the throat at the Siege of (Kevin) Maastricht in 1673.
2. Gary Sanchez, C, New York (AL). Far too distracted making Will Ferrell movies.
3. Francisco Lindor Chocolate Truffle by Lindt, SS, Cleveland. Lindor used to be 175 pounds, until he started to eat all twenty varieties of hard chocolate shell with smooth chocolate filling. Now he is 425 pounds, and has the second-lowest range factor in professional baseball, ahead of only some guy on the Yankees.
4. Mike Old, 3B, Texas. Not to be confused with Mike Olt, Mike Old turned 106 last October.
5. Kaleb Coward, 3B, Los Angeles (AL). Afraid of the ball.
Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.
“second-lowest range factor in professional baseball, ahead of only some guy on the Yankees.” — you are mean, Blachman