ESPN Breaks The AWESOME Stories

Edited, 1:46 PM: I have been reminded by the commenters that, indeed, most of what I post– most of everything over here at NotGraphs– is of far less critical importance than even the tiniest details about uniforms. And, furthermore, uniforms are awesome, and the fact that someone gets paid to write about them is even more awesome. And I was probably just in a cranky mood last night when I wrote this post because I just found out Munenori Kawasaki was released. In short: Uniforms are awesome. Uni-watch, as I begin to delve into the archives, is super-awesome. Most of what’s written over here is of far less consequence. My challenge to the commenters still holds: give me an obscure topic, and I will do my best to write something awesome about it.

From “A Guide to Uni Watch-ing the World Series” at ESPN:

3. Le grand orange. The Giants and Tigers both have orange trim on their uniforms (albeit only on the road in Detroit’s case). This marks the first time we’ve had two orange-clad World Series teams since 1984, when the Tigers faced the Padres.

This piece is written by Paul Lukas, “sports’ only full-time uniform reporter.” Maybe I just don’t read ESPN often enough, or care enough about uniforms– and, really, a full-time gig writing about uniforms seems like a cool enough job from a writer’s perspective– but, really? There is a full-time uniform reporter? There is enough to say about uniforms without ending up writing about how this is the first World Series between two teams with orange trim since… oh, wait.

5. Loop-de-loop. Most MLB pants have wide belt tunnels. But the Tigers use conventional belt loops — lots and lots of belt loops. The loops have been a Tigers visual signature at least since the days of Al Kaline. Why? No reason — just one of those little quirks.

On the one hand, I can’t imagine anyone cares about this. On the other hand, I find myself reading it. It is actually sort of interesting. But, really?

Okay, a challenge! Can we come up with some even more ridiculous awesome sports beats than full-time uniform reporter? Real or invented, the more ridiculous awesome the better. Give me a few ideas in the comments and perhaps I will try my hand at writing some of these columns over the next few weeks. Like, say, a piece about Hat Sizes of Backup Catchers, or Double Letters in the names of Cubs in MLB History. (Damon Berryhill could appear in both columns… anyone else?)