So the Astros hired this fella, Sig Mejdal, to be the club’s “Director of Decision Sciences.” I hear what you’re probably saying to yourself. “Isn’t that a made-up title?” In a way, yes it is. That may or may not have you asking, “So what other titles were considered?”
Well you’re in luck. I’ve procured a copy of the different titles the Astros were prepared to hand out had this not worked out. Take a gander.
Caravaggio’s The Incredulity of Saint Thomas.
Here are three dreams I’ve had about baseball:
1. I’m at a familiar cafe in Madison, WI. One moment, the barista is there, behind the counter like normal; the next, he’s gone, replaced by Dick Allen. No one seems to notice, except for… no, it couldn’t be… yes, it is… Haley Joel Osment.
Yes
— Peter Gammons (@pgammo) January 2, 2012
I’ve thought long and hard about just which question of mine Peter Gammons answered — with one single, solitary tweet — yesterday afternoon. Turns out, he answered them all:
Will the Toronto Blue Jays ever make the goddamn playoffs again?
Is Prince Fielder actually a real-life vegetarian?
Is the Euro ever going to collapse, or what?
Should you — should we all — pray for the Baltimore Orioles?
Is Roy Halladay a God amongst men?
Are these the best candidates the Republicans could find?
Seriously?
Is Hanley Ramirez sincere in saying he’ll actually move over to third base?
Is Bud Selig pretty please going to finally frigging retire?
Is “Swag” truly the name of Bryce Harper’s new dog?
Now that she ditched that Brand loser, I’ve got a shot with Katy Perry, right?
Will the Expos ever return?
Is everyone else as sick of the Hall of Fame debate as I am?
And, finally, is baseball closer to returning to our lives today than it was yesterday?
I’ll answer that last one myself: God, yes.
Thank you, Professor Gammons. Without you, we are nothing.
You’re going to want to embiggen. Actually, click here.
While there are plenty of brilliant outcomes to choose from, my favorite one is: “Why?”
I feel you, Orioles fans. I do. But, as the flowchart accurately points out, at least you’ve got a fabulous ballpark.
A tip of the cap — a brand new Orioles one — to the Tumblr account of Billy, 22, from Virginia, which he’s named, “You Will Always Be A Loser.” Billy’s a true Orioles fan, no doubt.
So pleased was I two days prior when I beheld the glorious (and complex) visage of Rudy Pemberton on this webbed page, submitted for your approval by one Dayn Perry. Pemberton has been a favorite player of mine for the last two seasons based on his absolutely ridiculous 1996 season.
What happened in 1996 to Rudy Pemberton? you ask, predictably. I am glad that you, as I had anticipated, asked. First, he got released by the Tigers after hitting .315/.360/.580 at AAA and .300/.344/.467 in the Majors as a 25 year old in 1995. Then, he signed with Texas. The Rangers promptly traded him to Boston, who stashed him at Pawtucket (where he hit .326/.375/.616) until September.
On September 1, Pemberton was recalled from Pawtucket with Nomar Garciaparra. He played the next day and went 0-for-2, but Pemberton would finish the month at .512/.556/.780 with 21 hits in 41 at bats, 2 walks, 2 hit by pitch, 3 stolen bases, 8 doubles, 1 homer, 11 runs, and 10 RBI. Garciaparra hit .241/.272/.471, the pansy.
What follows is a non-exhaustive and only partially untrue list of facts regarding Rudy Pemberton’s incredible September, which should give you great joy: Read the rest of this entry »
Over the weekend, Tim Brown of Yahoo Sports provided some details on Albert Pujols’ contract with the Angels, noting that the first baseman will receive $3 million for his 3,000th career hit and $7 million for his 763rd career home run.
With all due respect to Mr. Brown’s reportage, he appears to have omitted some of the more peculiar elements of the 10-year pact. Fortunately for all of society, our Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has performed the diligence due such a sizable deal.
Here are some of the unreported — but totally, definitely true — particulars of the Pujols contract:
• To confirm the verity of Pujols’s reported age, the Angels requested he provide not only a long-form birth certificate, but also a startling minute-by-minute account of the birth by Colombian novelist Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who was present in Santo Domingo at the time. Early reports suggest that Pujols’ mother was not, in fact, a human woman, but the very butterfly after whom the Effect of the same name was coined.
Our sources have released yet-seen footage of the Jonathan Papelbon negotiations with the Philadelphia Phillies GM, Ruben Amaro Jr. It cost many lives to retrieve this information:
Many thanks for the share belong to reader M. Santaspirt — no, that’s too obvious — Matthew S.
That cheering you heard yesterday afternoon was my enthusiastic endorsement of the offer that was bringing one James Tiberius Patrick Quirk from Houston to become the bench coach for the Chicago Cubs. What follows is a non-exhaustive and only partially untrue list of facts regarding Jamie Quirk, which should give you great joy:
1) Jamie Quirk was drafted in the first round of the 1972 draft by the Kansas City Royals, a full 35 spots before Gary Carter. Then again, Jamie Quirk was drafted as a shortstop.
2) Jamie Quirk once high-fived Steve Balboni and the resulting explosion killed 4/5 of Kansas City’s population, turning it into a small market city.
3) Jamie Quirk is 6’4″ tall, and is tied for the 5th tallest player to catch more than 500 games.
4) Jamie Quirk never caught a game as a professional baseball player until he was 24 years old, and had already been in the Major Leagues for four seasons. He ended up playing roughly five times as many games there as any other position.
5) Jamie Quirk is his own wingman.
6) Jamie Quirk played for eighteen seasons, and was worth more than one win above replacement in exactly two of them.
7) Jamie Quirk sired many beautiful babies all across this great land, but mostly during a five-game series in Montreal in 1983. That the Expos moved to Washington in 2003 is the only reason he’s agreed to return to coach in the National League.
8) Until Carlos Quentin came along, Jamie Quirk was the all time leader in home runs by a person whose name started with the letter Q. Do with that information what you will.
9) Jamie Quirk ate chicken and drank beer in the clubhouse all the time, and no one cared. It’s not like they were going to put him in the game.
10) Jamie Quirk was allowed exactly one at bat with the Cleveland Indians franchise. In that at bat, he hit a walk-off homerun off of the bespectacled and mustachioed Ron Davis. Afraid that Quirk might prove to be too great a competitive advantage, the Indians released him after the season.
11) Jamie Quirk was traded to the Brewers after 1976 with two other players for Darrell Porter, who lasted four years with the Royals and fetched a compensation pick for the club when he left as a free agent after 1980. The Royals used that pick on Mark Gubicza, who was eventually traded for one year of Chili Davis. The Royals got 65.6 WAR out of that deal over the next twenty-one seasons AND re-signed Jamie Quirk to his second of three stints as a Royal when he became a Free Agent after the season.
12) Jamie Quirk played from when he was 20 years old to when he was 37. Eighteen seasons. In which he played in an average of less than 54 games played per season. I wish I was a backup catcher. God bless you, Jamie Quirk. You’re living the dream for all of us.
Recently, abiding reader jcxy floated a Sketchy Internet Rumor of a Rich Garces bobble-belly. Needless to say, upon hearing said rumor the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team sprung to handsome action. After 12 or so tense seconds of Computer Googling, “Sketchy Internet Rumor” became “Internet True Fact.” Bear fat witness:
This has been two things: the last time I doubt anything on the Internet and your Daguerreotype of the Evening.
In doing “research” for a different post (seriously), I came across this article about Ryan Theriot in the St. Louis Post Dispatch, from September 19th.
The Cardinals led the division until July 27, four days before the Furcal acquisition. Speaking only about his own role, Theriot noted, “When I was playing shortstop we were in first place. I know that. It is what it is.”
Now that the Cardinals have won the World Series, that quote seems a little silly.
Ryan Theriot’s postseason performance, incidentally:
NLDS: 6 for 10
NLCS: 1 for 10
WS: 1 for 13
[And, yes, I broke it up like that because those NLDS stats would make the whole thing look better if I didn’t. Why can’t I manipulate statistics to make a point? This is NotGraphs, not FanGraphs! Good grief.]
