With Cody Ross set to return to the San Francisco Giants lineup tonight, it’s a toss up between Giants fans and Aubrey Huff as to who’s more excited.

Upon learning that Ross was ready to make his debut, the San Francisco Chronicle reports that Huff texted Ross the following:

Thank God you’re back. I can go back to first base.

After Huff’s adventures in the outfield, I think that’s something we can all get behind. At the same time, what about Brandon Belt, Aubrey? It’s Belt’s birthday, for crying out loud! And what about my Belt-owned fantasy team, Aubrey? So selfish.

In all honesty, I find Ross’s return mostly meaningful because it finally gives me the opportunity to post the photo above, a play on rapper Rick Ross’ “Rise to Power” album cover. A pretty damn good play, too, if I must say so myself, courtesy of the folks at The City Graphics.

Ross’ rise to power in last year’s postseason was something else. From zero to hero. It’s one thing to homer off robot Roy Halladay. But to do it twice, in the NLCS? My word. And that beard. What a beard. I had the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team confirm my suspicions: Even the beard is Boss.

In San Francisco, Ross is Boss. Actually, Ross remains Boss. And the Boss is back.

ADDENDUM: Brandon Belt’s been sent down. Blame the Boss, if you must. I blame Aubrey.

For years now, the exact identity of former FanGraphs contributor (now of mortal enemy Baseball Prospectus) R.J. Anderson has been a subject of no little speculation.

Was he a 13-year-old boy, as some suspected? Was he a cyborg created by other FanGraphs writer Dave Allen? Was he both the father and son of Rays VP Andrew Friedman?

Thanks to DRaysBay and RotoGraphs contributor Erik Hahmann, however, the mystery of R.J. Anderson’s true self has been demystified. Hahmann recently attended a Rays game with Jonah Keri and some other stone-cold nerds — including Anderson himself.

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It’s likely that readers of FanGraphs willn’t be surprised to learn that Ranger outfielder and 2010 AL MVP Josh Hamilton will be out injured for the next six-to-eight weeks. As SB Nation’s Jon Bois notes today, Hamilton has suffered frequent injuries since his 2007 debut.

However, as further and super-sleuthful research has revealed, Hamilton’s injury list is actually much lengthier than Bois — or anyone else, for that matter — knows.

Exclusive here, at NotGraphs, we’ve reproduced Hamilton’s complete injury history since 2007 — featuring some ailments you willn’t have seen reported on ESPN.

Regard:

5-19-07, 15-day DL, gasteroenteritis
7-8-07, 15-day DL, sprained wrist
8-23-07, day-to-day, cauliflower earring
9-17-07, day-to-day, hamstring soreness (listed again as “strain” on 9-13-07)
4-5-08, day-to-day, Mexican tooth
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Allow me to preface this piece of investigative reporting with the following video, anonymously submitted to the Mustache Watch hotline. The accompanying message simply said: “Keep digging.”

Naturally, I was intrigued, so I complied and began looking into it, trying to find what the video meant and where it came from. What started out as a curiosity, though quickly turned into a high-stakes struggle between life and death.

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I’m only stating the obvious, reader, when I state that NotGraphs, despite the relative brevity of its existence, has already become an industry leader. “In what ‘industry,’ exactly?” is maybe what you’re asking when you read that. Well, that’s a tough question with a number of really technical answers. Still, it’s a true and unavoidable fact.

One quality we here at NotGraphs have demonstrated over and again is our ability to know what people are thinking and doing at any given moment. Thanks to the efforts of our Investigative Reporting Investigation Team, we recently revealed the exact thoughts certain members of the 1978 Philadelphia Phillies were thinking at the exact moment said team’s photo was snapped.

In what follows, we provide — via the most rigorous and modern techniques available — the five things Red Sox catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia was most likely saying to pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka on Monday night, as the latter waited to be removed from the game by manager Terry Francona following a dismal performance against the Rays.

Regard, quotes:

• Buddy is going to the farm, Dice-K. It’s just not the type of farm you can visit.

• I think we’re alone now (alone now). / There doesn’t seem to be anyone a-rou-ound.

• Just rub some olive oil on it. That’s what we Saltalamacchias have always done.

• Why’d I put all this Wite-Out on my effing fingers if you were just gonna throw the same pitch every time, dude? Seriously, look at it from my perspective: this stuff’s, like, impossible to clean off.

• That’s not the only thing that ends in a vowel, if you know what I mean.

If this image looks familiar it’s either because (a) my colleague Eno Sarris submitted it for the readership’s consideration this morning or (b) you’ve recently time-traveled here from that epoch in our history known as “The Good Times.” In either case, please keep reading: this document is important to your life.

I’m informing the reader of nothing new when I suggest that internet culture is dedicated to speed. However, there are some texts — a term (i.e. text) that I use in its broadest sense — there are some texts that are worthy of further consideration.

I’ll suggest right here that this Phillies team photo is one such text.

To that end, I’ve done some research — with no little help from our in-house Investigative Reporting Investgation Team — and managed to isolate the precise thoughts that some of this photograph’s subjects were thinking on that spring day in 1978, the accounts and descriptions of which you can find below.

The numbers you see below correspond with numbers inserted into the image above. The thoughts are rendered as authentically as possible.

Regard, truth/beauty:

1. Do I drink Jack Daniels? F*ck you, kid. I am Jack Daniels.

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That’s Oddibe McDowell! This is one of Oddibe McDowell’s recent water bills! Please enjoy, and I hope you didn’t have any pressing obligations for the rest of the afternoon!

If you’re reading this, you have undoubtedly heard about the cool new version of fantasy called ottoneu. According to ottoneu’s creator, Niv Shah, “[t]he name ‘ottoneu’ is derived from Otto Neu, a shortstop who played in one game in 1917 for the St. Louis Browns. In this game against the Yankees, he did not have a fielding chance or an at-bat.” Sounds reasonable, right? Catchy and obscurely baseball-ey? A likely story… too likely. But I was curious, so I dug deeper.

Does THIS look familiar, Mr. Shah?

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In the most recent adventure of Joe West’s remarkable career, brilliant and undoubtedly handsome commenter Matt Defalco dubbed our Lord of the Umpires, “The Great Ejector.” I don’t know about you, but I cannot think of a title more apt.

And, in the spirit of “The Great Ejector,” above, courtesy of NotGraphs reader Eric Rood, you find Joe West at an air show. The NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has confirmed to me personally that Joe West does indeed love air shows. They are, West said, “the best.”

Thanks, Eric. You did good. You too, Matt.

The results of the poll are in: Andy Tworischuk hates fun.

You mess with NotGraphs, you mess with Joe West. At least that’s what Joe West told the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team.

I didn’t want to Andy, but Joe West insisted.

This is, of course, all in good fun. Pun intended. Let us in, Andy. As Roy Halladay once famously said: “It’s only gonna get funner.“