Shut up. Please shut up.
I’m begging you. Shut the fuck
up for one second.
This has been a NotGraphs Haiku, written mostly out of frustration, because the commentary during the postseason makes the games borderline unwatchable.
High five to Internet scholar @cjzero for the GIF.
Behavioral science — or, at least the branch of it which one is able to condense into four minutes for the benefit of NPR — suggests that there are a number of likely reasons why a Boston fan might cheer wildly in response to David Ortiz’s grand slam from Sunday night.
Behavioral science — in this case, the sort which requires a full 28 minutes of NPR’s time — also posits that humans are programmed, basically, to feel empathy for those other humans who are in closest proximity to them.
That looks like an overpitched delivery to me. (I just wanted to write *sticky wicket* before because, sticky wicket.)
The very talented Adam Wainwright faces the also very talented Gerrit Cole in Pittsburgh tonight at 8pm ET in a deciding Game Five of the NLDS series between the Cardinals and Pirates.
Almost no effort, and even less thought, has been required of the author whilst producing this so-called preview of said contest. And yet, by including the two animated GIFs below — of Wainwright and Cole asserting themselves upon the opposition assertively — that same dumb author has anticipated basically, like, 65% or 70% of tonight’s game already.
Like by means of this one GIF, for example, of Adam Wainwright throwing his curveball for a strikeout:
Juan Uribe’s exploits, in GIF form, are best paired with the following Henry Miller quote:
“For every million born 999,999 are doomed to die and never be born again. But the one that makes a home run is assured of life eternal.”
Congratulations, Juan Uribe. You are forever.
Thanks for the GIF, @ChadMoriyama. You are appreciated.
I had a thought late Wednesdsay night, as I lay awake at three in the morning, exiled to my couch, reading Henry Miller’s Tropic of Capricorn, while thinking of my cold, inevitable death into nothingness:
Delmon Young, only 28 years old, is somebody’s Mr. October.
GIF courtesy the irreplaceable @Kazuto_Yamazaki.
Apropos of everything, what follows are three separate animated GIFs of split-changeups from Danny Salazar’s most recent start (box) — which GIFs the author made last week but, in lieu of publishing them immediately, just left them on his desktop for occasional inspection, which is normal, and not weird, according to the author’s therapist.
Here, for example, is Danny Salazar throwing his split-changeup to Alejandro De Aza for a strikeout looking in the first inning:
Internet Gentleman and NotGraphs union member Dayn Perry alerted me to the above sequence he most likely captured from his Postseason.TV feed. Since I am a functioning member of society who pays for television, I was watching the glossy, HD-enhanced feed from the Turner Broadcasting System, and did not subject myself to this ugly peek behind the scenes. Nevertheless, the above footage is important in that it 1). Is entertaining and 2.) Allows us to do a good, old-fashioned caption contest. I’ve submitted three ideas below (links will open in new windows, so rest easy).
As I’m sure you have your own ideas, feel free to submit them below. If I really like one, I might even convert it to a GIF, though I do not advise you hold your breath on that.
Baseball players come
and go. But there is only
one Mariano.
This has been an emotionally-written NotGraphs Haiku.
Thanks to @Cut4 for the GIF. It’s perfect.
Late September and
the Royals are playing games
that matter. Fucked up.
This has been a Justin Maxwell-inspired NotGraphs Haiku.