If I learned anything from Moneyball, it’s that they do everything differently out in Oakland.
And, yes, this was my favorite part of the movie, and the reason why Jonah Hill is nominated for an Oscar. What a fist-pump. What a performance.
A fist-pump of my own to my man James. Yes, he’s the same brilliant soul that brought us the bunny-hopping Blue Jays. Keep up the great work, mate.
In 1988, David Palmer once took to the bases and, upon arriving at third, perpetrated this:
Look at David Palmer flopping about like an astounded halibut. Just look at him.
This is the offseason, and I have been making a GIF out of footage from a game in 1988.
Over at SB Nation, which has its own currency and standing military and everything, Jon Bois has done the blessed and necessary work of putting together the top 50 sports GIFs of 2011. I tell no tales when I say the Internet World Championship Belt is now around the handsome waist of Mr. Bois.
As is the case with all great acts of Internetting, however, I am left with questions. For instance, how is number five not number one? Another: When will the woman — the philistine bitch-face — in the following GIF be boiled in oil in the town square for the satisfaction and amusement of the right-wise? Click and then ready your pitchforks and torches …
Short of a public execution, which I understand is frowned upon by those who don’t realize Increase Mather was right about everything, I hope this lady breaks a shin once a year for the rest of her life and gets pregnant with triplets at age 52.
It is well known that the Yankees, proconsuls to all that is gnarled and dark, exist primarily not to play base and ball but rather to comfort the comfortable and afflict the afflicted. As though we needed proof beyond what horse-sense confides, here’s a particularly damning GIF. Click and be appalled!
Little explanation is needed, but that’s a young fellow in a Yankee cap at the funeral of the late Dear Leader Kim Jong-il, who was coconuts. Kim was, of course, a vicious despot, so it should come as no surprise that the young man in the cap was a sanctioned emissary dispatched by the Yankee front office in order to ensure a post-transition diplomatic relationship with DPRK!*
Patriots awake!
(Secret handshake of the resistance movement: UniWatch)
* Not true, but still …
Former Yankee first baseman and current Dodger manager Don Mattingly will appear as a cross-dressing Spanish prostitute in an upcoming Pedro Almodovar film, NotGraphs has learned — or, if not learned, per se, then at least jumped to the only possible conclusion given the above-embedded GIF.
As the Farmer’s Almanac tells us, it is not late spring, summer or early fall, which means there is no baseball here. Sure, there are posting fees, trades and signings to sustain us, but the ugly, mottled truth remains: there is no baseball here.
To remind us of this, to flagellate us for this, we present to you the following GIF, which is of Bud Selig speaking at length about something, mostly likely in oddly funereal terms. Please click to watch gloom drip out of Bud Selig’s mouth:
This has not been baseball because there is no baseball here.
Impress your friends and confound your enemies and frighten a couple neighbor children and force the police to take you downtown for questioning and get released after a few hours with this GIF of a half-coy, entirely irksome Melky Cabrera, courtesy of Bay City Ball’s Chris Quick.
You may recall that in this beloved space we have previously regaled you with tales of the Cruz Missile. And on this day I am pleased to inform you that the Cruz Missile is back, and this time his glory is both boundless and without bound. How boundless? So boundless that it’s too large for me to embed. In what other ways does WordPress hate freedom? I intend to find out and then file a breathless dispatch on the matter. Nonetheless, please do click the above link — wait, here it is again! — and luxuriate in its wonders.
And since every post needs some kind of visual hook, my hope is that this will meet the needs of the Internetting Gentleman:
Because a dumb Dolphins-Giants game is the only sporting event of any note this early Sunday afternoon, you’ll no doubt have a moment in your schedule to reflect on the following GIF, which depicts the most important part of Cardinal reliever Octavio Dotel’s seventh-inning Game Seven strikeout of Ian Kinsler.
Bless the fine people at SB Nation for sharing this beauty with the world:
Not only do we have an excellent motion-picture story of the 2011 World Series Game 5 goings-on, we now have an appropriate GIF at the ready for all of life’s crap!
Forgot to take the tin foil off the ding dong? larussa-game5-worldseries.gif
Loaned $10 to Bernie Madoff? larussa-game5-worldseries.gif
Accidentally watched an episode of Two and a Half Men? larussa-game5-worldseries.gif
Drove two towns over to secretly exchange documents concerning the layout of certain intricate and highly sensitive government buildings, documents paid for by the highest price and sold at a price even higher, only to have left them in the car with the windows down during a torrential thunderstorm, and though the documents were safe, the care smelled like wet alley-cat for weeks? larussa-game5-worldseries.gif
