Archive for Food Metaphors

Yes, I too wonder where the hot dogs are.

Let’s see if we can answer your questions right out of the gate.

Yes, there is a site dedicated to making logos with food. Yes, that is an Oakland A’s logo made of relish and mustard. Yes, it’s both brilliant and useless. No, it isn’t plausible to ask anyone with any taste (cultural or epicurean) to eat a mustard and ketchup Pee-Wee Herman. Yes, the deconstructed red pepper of a Texas Rangers logo looks both disgusting and delicious, depending on how hungry you are and how much you like the Rangers. No, I do not want any pureed chicken salad, portobello mushroom and pepper Jason Voorhees. No, I do not know what the artist’s goals are. Yes, I also hope he really likes food that looks nigh inedible.

Hopefully that answers all your questions because thus concludes your lesson on the daguerreotype of the day.

What was that you were saying again.

Walk up the first base side of the 100 level at ATT Park and you spot the premium brew stands every once in a while. Sierra Nevada. Heineken. Anchor Steam. Blue Moon. Meh. Better than the alternatives but nothing to really pen the proverbial letter home (or beer review) about.

Turn the corner towards the outfield and your appraisal of the park shifts more positive immediately. For one, you’re looking out at the bay, down at McCovey Cove. And then you scan left and you get a view like the cameraphone snapshot above. Does it really matter what beer you have in your hand when appreciating that view?

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Confused.

I’m no pro at baby-rearing: I’ve just been babysitting my four-month-old nephew for a week-plus. But, that week coincided with opening weekend, and so an interesting parallel was born. The teams that were supposed to contend – they are not unlike crying babies. There are only four basic approaches to mellowing out a crying baby, this semi-expert says.

Feed the Baby
In this case, feed the baby with information about why the team will right ship. Talk about sample sizes and fluke in-game occurrences. Empty the bottle of its contents: reason based on precedent. Point out that we’re only about 2.5% of the way into the season, and what that might look like in another sport – half-way through the first game in an NFL season, for example. Keep feeding until the baby is sated, and then burp them so they don’t get indigestion.

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Do you have a voice as sweet as honey-baked ham sans ham, which I imagine would be quite sweet? (Food metaphor! … Actually, food simile, but rules of usage, much like parents, just don’t understand.) If that describes you and your pipes, then the Chicago Cubs are leveling their Uncle Sam-like pointer finger in your direction. That means they quite possibly want you!

Yes, the Cubs have teamed with CareerBuilder.com, which is a computer Web site that helps you build your career, to find a a new public-address announcer. Some qualifications:

If I were Rick Reilly, at this point I would include yuks like … “Preference given to those who are also left-handed relievers. Ha!” Or: “Don’t worry about the whole ‘play-off games’ part. Ha!” Or: “His doctor told him to play 36 holes a day, so he went out and bought a harmonica. Ha!”

Instead, I’ll focus on the grim “periods of extreme weather” throwaway line and warn you that in Chicago we sometimes have … THUNDERSNOW!!!1!1!!!ONE!!1!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJt4nV6hM1Y

ARGH!

But seriously, the Cubs are looking for a new P.A. announcer, and by using the Careerbuilder.com interface you can —

Shit: THUNDERSNOW!!!1!1!!!ONE!!1!

Behold, the wild nerd!

Legend tells that back in the heady, wild days of The Internet, there once existed a blog so full of wit, snark, and sabermetric wisdom, mainstream sports writers quaked in their slippers at its very mention. Run by the titans Ken Tremendous, Dak, and Junior, this website – FireJoeMorgan.com – was a shining beacon of hope for all the saber-geeks hiding away in their parents’ basements. One day, their day would come! One day, sabermetrics would be accepted! One day, sportswriters would stop writing crap! And until that day came, at least our laughs could hide our tears.

Although Fire Joe Morgan has since passed into the realms of memory, its legacy lives on everywhere sports fans mix humor, advanced stats, and copious amounts of snark. As NotGraphs is an alternative baseball blog that likes to dabble in all three of these areas, it’s only fitting that we pay homage to The Greats that have come before us. And so, I am proud to announce that NotGraphs is officially reintroducing the famed “Food Metaphors” post tag.

Yes, that’s right – food metaphors, the one thing Ken, Dak, and Junior say they miss the most from Fire Joe Morgan. Sportswriters have many funny habits, but one of the weirdest is their odd obsession with food metaphors. “He threw the high cheese right by him.” “He really put some mustard on that pitch.” These metaphors pepper our discussions about baseball, and certain baseball writers are drawn to them like cherry pie.

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