When a meme beckons, we are powerless to resist its mandate.
So Tony La Russa seizes the horn during the most fraught moments of Game 5 …
And …
As any good baseball man knows, “Motte” sounds a lot like “Lynn” to a screaming Englishman in the echo-y confines of the stink lodge.
Chris Carpenter, who cusses at everyone all the time more than you’ve cussed at anyone anytime, was at it again last night. His most recent victim? Besides pearl-clutching lip readers everywhere, it seemed that People’s Champion Mike Napoli was the target of Mr. Carpenter’s maledictions. At this point, we must roll tape …
But first, an urgent word of caution: This going to be loud, and this is going to be dirty. So unless you have a pair of Gentleman’s Headphones at the ready or unless your place of work is dedicated to accommodating the whims of the Internetting Gentleman, you should hold off. Again: Loud. Dirty. Forthwith:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9Dnj-5KGe4&feature=colike
Well, Mr. Carpenter, I never!
This has not been the work of the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team, but it totally should’ve been.
In the course of research for my “World Series Games According To Video Games” series, which died thanks to the existence of something called “the weekend,” I discovered this image:
That is the logo for the “Mario Sunshines,” the team captained by Mario which you face in the one-player story mode of Mario Superstar Baseball for the Nintendo Gamecube, released in 2005. Compare and contrast:
Obviously, the person who designed the new Marlins’ logo either never played Mario Superstar Baseball or played the crap out of it. Either way, when viewed through this light, I have to say, I’m much more supportive of the Marlins’ new choice of logos. Go Fighting Super Marios!
It is a fact that I am too old and stupid to play Little League, but, lo, how I want to play Little League for Coach Ballgame! Why do I want to play Little League for Coach Ballgame? Because he contains multitudes. Because he is beautiful …
Yes, Coach Ballgame, I have seen “Red Shoe Diaries.” How else may I win your favor?
In honor of the 58th birthday of Keith Hernandez — board-certified Magnificent Bastard — I’m re-posting Rob Perri’s objectively perfect short film titled “I’m Keith Hernandez.” I might just make a yearly thing of this, at least until I die gruesomely in the year 2016. Please enjoy!
I’m Keith Hernandez from water&power on Vimeo.
Keith Hernandez is almost certainly not one of the five people you meet in heaven, but that’s only because he’s a real threat to make love to the other four.
Well, you can’t, because your spreadsheet’s not big enough.
As you may have noticed, the World Series will not feature the New York Yankees. This is bad news, of course. If the Yankees make the World Series, then baseball has a competitive-balance problem. If the Yankees don’t make the World Series, however, then television executives will see their expensive and relaxing dinners reduced to being merely expensive and somewhat relaxing. And that’s the worst fate of all.
Also bad for the Republic is that a Yankee-less World Series can move an otherwise temperate and moderating gentleman to film himself screaming while driving down a darkened expressway. If you savor profanity, sound arguments and a buccaneering spirit, then please do enjoy …
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQsEQDO0r9Q&NR=1
Baseball, you just lost a fan — a fan who can appreciate fine Corinthian leather.
If you’re a fan of Brad Neely, internet songwriter/cartoonist, you’re probably familiar with the video “George Washington.” If you’re not, it’s a video about George Washington, Washington, six-foot-eight, weighs a fucking ton. There’s more, of course, but you’ll just have to watch the video
The Texas Rangers have a manager whose last name is also Washington. And now Ron Washington also has a similarly styled song and cartoon accompaniment in his… well, I would call it honor, but it’s actually not respectful in the slightest. But I laughed really hard at it. So there’s that.
(Doff of the cocaine-stache to Luke Zimmerman on Twitter)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3V9kJw-kWQ8
I don’t technically need a reason to post the video above. It stands alone, and the test of time, as you certainly know by now. That’s the beauty of NotGraphs; under Chairman Cistulli, we roam free. But I actually have one. A reason, I mean: The New York Times wrote about the Milwaukee Brewers’ famed sausage race:
And just past first base, it was the chorizo, the one in the sombrero, who broke the orange tape as the victor.
How’s that for a sentence about a sausage race? The Times makes it so easy to visualize the race, to picture the sausages running for glory. In my mind’s eye, I can see the chorizo crossing the finish line, arms raised in triumph, ending with whatever the hell it is a victorious Usain Bolt does at the end of one of his races.
Obviously, no article about Milwaukee’s sausage race is complete without the details of what occurred at Miller Park on July 9, 2003. With one swing of the bat, history was altered. Pittsburgh Pirates then-first baseman Randall Simon’s life would never be the same. Nor would Mandy Block’s. Not after Simon struck poor Block, only 19-years-old at the time of her assualt, an innocent Italian Sausage running her first and last sausage race, with a bat to her head.
Our lives, too, were changed. We — society — knew that we would never, ever see or hear three people talking as seriously about a sausage race again.
The police report of the incident, which ESPN’s Page 2 were the first to get their hands on, was damning:
Which is why I did this. Inspired by things the TBS team has actually said. More playoff announcer nonsense invited in the comments.