Archive for Actual Thing

One of the most underrated aspects of the blockbuster trade which brought Zack Greinke to Milwaukee is the potential clubhouse relationship between Greinke and Brewers superstar Ryan Braun. Both of these players have remarkable personalities, and they aren’t exactly kindred spirits. If they are peas, they certainly live in separate pods, if you will.

Greinke’s quirks are pretty well known, particularly in the saber community. His quote after winning the Cy Young Award in 2009 is especially famous among statheads: “That’s how I try to pitch, to keep my FIP as low as possible.” Some of his quotes can come a bit out of left field for different reasons. For example, another quote about the 2009 Cy Young, this time on whether he had thought about the award after the conclusion of the regular season: “Not really. I’ve been playing this World of Warcraft game.” This quote probably best sums up Greinke’s social adeptness:

“Zack,” a teammate once said to him, “I’m having this charity golf tournament. Was hoping you might play in it.” Greinke paused, as if considering the request. Then he said, “No. Why would I do that?”

On the other hand, we have Ryan Braun. The Ryan Braun who says “I’m kinda known for my confidence.” The same Ryan Braun who was described by the USA Today as “a mixture of SoCal and South Beach cool, with a New York flair for the bravado and a business mind that belongs on Wall Street.” He looks like this:

Who knows what will happen when these opposites share a locker room over the course of 162 games? I’m not sure we’ll ever see Greinke in a Remetee or Ryan Braun playing World of Warcraft, but perhaps each can learn a little bit from the other.

I have long had a rather bizarre fascination with the inside-the-park grand slam. It has forever eluded me. I’ve seen Albert Pujols hit three home runs in a game, I’ve seen Melky Cabrera hit for the cycle, and I’ve seen Randy Johnson and Zane Smith flirt with no-nos. Yet not in person, not even from my couch — the sacred place from which I have witnessed so many of civilization’s miracles — have I seen the elusive ITPGS.

Anyhow, Wikipedia, which is an unassailable source of true facts, tells me that there were but 40 ITPGS’s through 2007. Then this thread from 2002 lists them. It’s on the Internet, so I assume pristine accuracy.

Some random amusements to be found therein …

– Honus Wagner hit five ITPGS’s in his superlative career. Five. I declare: that’s a lot.

– What I find to be more amazing is that teammates Joe Kelley and Jimmy Sheckard each hit one in the same game in 1901.

– Then Sheckard went and hit another one the very next day.

– Bombo Rivera hit one in 1976. Bombo Rivera is such a great name that all of God’s children should be named Bombo Rivera.

– And here’s what gobsmacks me the most of all: Ron Karkovice — Ron Slapping Karkovice! — somehow pulled off an ITPGS in 1990. Kark was slower than a Bergman film, so I can’t rightly fathom the absurd tapestry of events that led to his clumping around every base and then, I am forced to assume, collapsing face first onto home plate. I would give up multitudes to have been there.

So what’s the coolest baseball event you’ve ever witnessed in person?

SF Weekly reminds us that freshly minted Oakland A Hideki Matsui is a man who loves his porn. This from an old Time Asia piece on the occasion of Matsui’s joining the Yankees:

Indeed, his only eccentricity, if it can be called that, is his extensive private library of adult videos. His refreshing ability to laugh self-deprecatingly about his porno collection, reporters say, is one reason why fans and even nonfans have taken to him so much. Says former reporter Isao Hirooka: “Hideki just wants to be like ordinary people.”

Just how extensive is ordinary person Matsui’s private library? Sketchy reports suggest he could use a librarian.

Hideki, I christen thee “Dirtyzilla.”

(Curtsy: BBTF)

Have you ever given any thought to what happens to a baseball bat after it breaks? After a Roy Halladay cut fastball in on the hands leaves what was once a pristine Louisville Slugger in two or three pieces?

Me neither, but good talk. I’ll see you on Tuesday.

In all seriousness, prepare to be wowed, as I was, because if you’re looking for the perfect Christmas gift for the sushi and baseball lover in your life, I’ve found it. You see, the Japanese, the fine, pioneering and resourceful people that they are, aren’t just tossing broken bats from the Nippon Professional Baseball league into the trash. Instead, Hyozaemon Corporation, Japan’s leading chopsticks producer, recycles the broken bats, turns them into miniature baseball bat chopsticks, adorns them with your favourite NPB logo, and sells them to you, the grateful consumer. Now that’s “green” I can get behind.

I don’t know about you, but after partaking in my very own baseball road trip of a lifetime this past summer, where I visited all 30 MLB stadiums in 55 days, my next baseball journey involves a flight across the world, and a visit to the Tokyo Dome. There’s nothing I want more than to sit back, watch the Yomiuri Giants, and eat some sushi using my very own “Kattobashi.”

That’s what the chopsticks are called; a play on “Kattobase!“, Japanese for “Get a big hit!”, and “Hashi,” good old chopsticks.

At the end of the day, I’m a hoarder. I own a ridiculous amount of Toronto Blue Jays memorabilia, most of which I have absolutely zero use for, but that I just can’t find in me to part with. Chopsticks that look like baseball bats? With my favourite team’s logo on them? For only $15.25 CAD, plus shipping? Oh yeah, I’d definitely buy that.

Because hoarders gonna hoard.

Jehovah’s Witnesses of the Upper Midwest are collectively kicking themselves today after Tim Pawlenty — Governor of the State of Minnesota — declared today to be Ron Gardenhire Day in the Land of 10,000* Lakes.

*Note: an approximation.

“In his declaration,” writes MLB.com’s Kelly Thesier,

Pawlenty pointed to the fact that Gardenhire, like [former manager Tom] Kelly, has made throwing strikes and playing sound defense the foundation of his teams. Over his nine seasons as the Twins manager, the 53-year-old Gardenhire has a career winning percentage of .550 with a record of 803-656.

The recognition comes just a week after Gardenhire won his first American League Manager of the Year Award.

While all the good people of Minnesota will no doubt have their own special ways of commemorating the beloved Gardenhire, the generally accepted custom is to spend the day addressing friends and relations by their “locker-room name” — a form constructed by adding “-y” to the first syllable of an addressee’s surname. By this method, Justin Morneau becomes “Morny“; Michael Cuddyer, “Cuddy“; and Nick Blackburn, perhaps regrettably, “Blacky.”

When asked how to address people whose last names already end with a “-y,” the governor’s office replied that it’s probably best “to ignore such people entirely.”