Buster Posey Squats, Becomes Superhuman

Ed. note: readers be advised: you are about to learn at least six new euphemisms for going to the bathroom.

Ask not what you can do for your toilet, but what your toilet can do for you.

As part of his rehabilitation program, Giants’ catcher Buster Posey has been doing squats. Assumably, these are squats of the weight-lifting variety, but one never knows about these things.

If Backstop Buster decided he wanted to do some extra work while away from the trainer, he should simply choose to sit down when he pees. Normally we danglers stay upright when voiding our bladders, opting to perch ourselves upon the porcelain only when absolutely necessary, but maybe that’s just because we are ugly American’s who despise anything that could be construed as exercise.

Think about it, America. Getting off the throne is a good exercise for your knees and does, in fact, put pressure on your ankles. Posey may be called a pansy in the clubhouse, but he’ll have the last laugh when he can leap a tall building in a single bound.*

I have no knowledge of Backstop Buster’s diet, but I think it’s safe to assume that he isn’t dropping a deuce more than once a day. If this is indeed the case, sitting down while visiting the Tinkle Fairy will help him work out his damaged ankle and become nearly superhuman in the process.

*Claims made in this article are subject to scientific testing and common sense.