BREAKING NEWS: JONNY GOMES OWNS A RAZOR
It must be the offseason, because this is a top headline on Fox Sports.
Coming up later this week:
MICHAEL BRANTLEY BRUSHES HIS TEETH
RYAN ZIMMERMAN USES SHAMPOO… AND CONDITIONER
SHANE VICTORINO GOES #2
and
MIKE TROUT IS STILL BREATHING
Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.
ALEX RODRIGUEZ EXHIBITS POOR JUDGMENT