Every tournament must begin with its blowouts. It’s the way of the number one seed in the first round. So don’t cry a tear for Mike Flanagan, he’s already gone. The goofy happiness of the 1981 Fleer Bruce Sutter was just too much for him to overcome. Honestly, how do you say anything negative in the face of such unbridled optimism and joy? Not happening.

And now we have our final blowout in the making. Once again, we find ourselves with a couple relievers touting full facial hair. Unfortunately for one, the other owns a legendary nickname. It may be a fait accompli, but let’s play this one out, shall we? Because then we can get on to the closer matchups and root for some underdogs.

#8. 1989 Topps Steve Bedrosian
Guys? Guys? Are we sure about this? I mean, he’s crazy. The Mad Hungarian they call him. I don’t really want to get in the ring with him. I mean, sure, I like my full beard. And I am a closer – pretty good one, had 28 saves last year. But come on, dude has enough screws loose to put up a house. I don’t know, I don’t feel good about this. Guys? Guys?

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Listed as: Lot 26: “Bay Bombers” Original Painting by Ron Lewis

Soooo. I know you’ve been trying to figure out what to get me for my birthday. And, these days it’s not even that easy for me to figure out what I want. We are no longer in the halcyon days of my youth. Those days, I just filled in the blank with the newest King’s Quest, Space Quest, or boxed set of baseball cards. Those days, I was so sure of what I wanted for the next special occasion that I pretty much had a running list in my head.

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Steamy. Pause.

The parallels are not obvious. Roberto Clemente was Puerto Rican, Elvis was Mississippian. Clemente played baseball, Elvis played rock and roll. Clemente had 3,000 hits on the nose, Elvis more like 26 of the #1 variety. The baseball player was known for his all-around solid game and humanitarian missions to his home land. The rock star was known for his brilliant voice, terrible movies and rampant drug abuse. No, they don’t seem very similar.

But take a look at this picture, and there’s some of the same heat that you get from a young Elvis. Look at the screaming women. Look at the slightly parted lips. Look at the (feigned?) indifference. Feel the confidence exuding from Clemente’s look. Feel the fire.

Then watch this video. Is there nothing these two icons have in common other than dying young within five years of each other? Consider this diptych homage a humble argument that there is, at least superficially, something in common between the young King and the young Sweetness. Even if it is only the adoration of women everywhere.

H/T to Plumb in the Uprights

Any former NCAA bracket owner knows that #1-seeds don’t lose in the first round – ever. And with the fire in Dennis Eckersley’s eyes, the doe-like innocence of Terry Felton wasn’t going to be the first to prevail. Eckersley moves on. Much like Rich Gale falling to Rollie Fingers the week before, the haughty style of the legendary closer is too much for mere mortals to overcome.

So what is it about closers in our sample? This week’s #1 is, once again, a bullpen ace. Although, to be fair, his style is more huggable than fierce, and his card more lovable than flaming hot.

#8. 1981 Donruss Mike Flanagan
This is some straight-up b-crap. Oh, he’s a loony lefty, a funny guy, he won’t care if we use a g-damn fuzzy picture for his card. You can’t even see my mustache. That’s not me throwing a pitch, that’s me dropping a frigging turd on the offices of Donruss. Oh I didn’t follow up my Cy Young season with greatness in 1980, did I? Well if someone could find my stinking strikeout rate, we could iron that little hiccup out, couldn’t we? Way to pick a winner to represent me, tourney president. I’ve got a one-finger salute for you.

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“Go Mets!” – Jerry Seinfeld on Saturday Night Live in 1999.

This picture was not discovered by the superlative tumblr awesome people hanging out together, but the post, on Brendan Bilko’s tumblr (eloquently named ‘stuff‘), was inspired by it. And, really, I’m not sure it counts as hanging out. David Bowie and Jerry Seinfeld were appearing on Saturday Night Live together and ostensibly were promoting some venture or another. This was no brunch in the West Village sans entourages. That might blow some minds, given the two dudes involved.

Here are some snippets of that completely fictional meeting. David Bowie had an egg white omelet with Gruyere and sage while Seinfeld opted for the French Toast with extra syrup. Both had Bellinis. Because they are ballers.

“Man, do you believe this Wilpon guy? The Mets are snake-bitten? Really? I mean, sure, but since when were owners supposed to tell the truth about their teams? What’s with this guy?”
“Jerry, what are these ‘Mets’ you keep talking about?”
“You do know what baseball is, right?”

“Do you ever feel like there’s just no hope? Like we’ll never get anywhere?”
“Yeah, any time I go to Citi Field.”
“I was talking about the human race, Jerry.”
“Me too.”

H/T James Kannengeiser

Seriously, just click to make larger first.

Thoughts upon inspecting this excellent newspaper graphic from the San Francisco Chronicle:

1) Man, I haven’t picked up a print newspaper in a while.
2) I haven’t gone outside in a while.
3) Yeah it’s impossible.
4) At the last game I went to, my cousin and I wondered why nobody charted foul balls so that we could get a heat map of foul balls, maybe one where the color is decided by just sheer number of balls and then one where it’s measured by catchability because you wouldn’t want one to take your head off.
5) What the heck is a quarter second? What’s a millisecond?
6) Is there anything I can do in 150 milliseconds?
7) Dirty.
8) Does the bat literally deliver the power of nine large horses upon the ball?
9) It’s probably right when people say Mike Stanton delivers destruction upon balls, then.
10) Gotta find this book.

Yes, yes, I believe that’s mesh.

Anyone that is a fan of trashy cinema is familiar with the concept. Sometimes, something is so bad that it turns around and is good again. Call it the Last Action Hero law. The Snakes on a Plane law if you’re not into the Gubernator these days.

It looks like the rule applies to some baseball uniform choices as well.

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Last week’s matchup was the blowout that you’d expect with a #1 seed in the first round, and we’ll have to call it: 1981 Topps Rollie Fingers has roundly defeated 1981 Topps Rich Gale despite username “Mac” and his strong support for Mr. Gale. Now it’s time to move to another conference and check out a similar blowout-ready clash.

As always, vote as you see fit. Although your biased tournament president only sees one ending to THIS matchup.

#8. 1983 Fleer Terry Felton
Did you know? I was the strikeout leader in Toledo in 1981! 99 of em! I played football in high school, too. I was the second overall pick! My eyes are clear, my heart is full, I can’t lose. Look at the hopefulness in my gaze. Look at the anticipation. Do you want to crush this? I’m on my way!

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If every rainy day was like these rainy days, we might not have as much of a problem with them, ’cause these rainy days made for some awesome rain delay action.

Flip Flop Fly Ballin’ spotted this rain delay, where the comedy was all ‘of errors.’ Of special note is the silly hat. Because, hey, if you’re going to do your job very poorly, it’s worth doing it poorly in a silly hat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTSIJzvNIM8

And maybe this is why more rain delays aren’t like this.

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We know baseball players have feelings. And we know we have feelings about baseball cards. Maybe it’s not so far-fetched to think that baseball cards themselves have feelings.

We know that baseball players are competitive. And we know that we baseball fans are competitive, even about collecting. So maybe it’s not so far-fetched to believe that if baseball cards have feelings, one of the feelings they have more often than not is one of competitive fire.

All of this necessitates a competition between baseball cards. A seeded tournament.

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