Oftentimes, I get distracted while I write things. This may not surprise some people. Recently one of my distractions has been Klout, a social networking service that basically tells you how awesome you are on the internet. It bases your internet clout (or “Klout,” as they call it) on mentions, retweets, and things like that from your Twitter (or Facebook) accounts. Mine is 57, whatever that means. They also tell you things you influence and give you a “type” of internet personality. For example, I’m a “specialist” who influences, “baseball,” “milwaukee brewers” and “boston red sox” (what?).

Luckily for us, Nyjer Morgan has a Twitter account. And therefore, he also has a Klout page. And it is fantastic.

Click to embiggen.

Without further ado, the seven awesome things about this page, as numbered:

1. Nyjer Morgan acknowledges hisalter ego, Tony Plush

2. Nyjer throws up the T

3.

4. Nyjer Morgan is an influencer on the topic of “hunting.” Huh?

5. Nyjer Morgan is an influence on the topic of “rome.” What the H?

6. When Nyjer Morgan speaks, people listen. Damn right. I wonder if Stephen Colbert knows T-Plush is also a pundit.

7. Mo Vaughn Rick Ross is on Nyjer Morgan’s “Klout board.”

I asked. The internet answered.

Mere hours after my request for a GIF showing the true power of a Wily Mo Pena Forearm Mash, reader Ross (syh) lit up the NotGraphs Tip Line with this gem. I’ll shut up now and let Wily Mo’s right forearm do the talking:

Observe the following Hot GIF of Wily Mo Pena, courtesy of Drew Fairservice and Bill Baer:

Now, NotGraphs readers! Your mission, should you choose to accept it:

It is obvious to me that when this forearm bash occurred, the world exploded. I am asking for some brave soul to somehow reflect that in this hot GIF action, turning it into exploding GIF action. Alas, despite my great talents, I do not have the know-how (nor the technology, I think) required to put an explosion into this GIF when Wily Mo Pena’s forearm makes contact with Gerardo Parra’s. But maybe, just maybe, one of you can.

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Josh Hamilton breaks the news:

When it comes to hitting, it’s been night and day for Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton this season — and the reigning American League MVP has a theory as to why.

He has blue eyes.

Under the sun, Hamilton’s numbers are dim. He is batting .122 (6-or-49) with no home runs, four RBIs and eight walks. He also has 17 strikeouts and a .429 OPS.

At night, it’s a different story. Hamilton is hitting .374 (41-for-109) with six home runs, 28 RBIs, seven walks and a 1.076 OPS. And he only has 14 strikeouts while playing under the lights.

“I ask guys all the time,” Hamilton told ESPN 103.3 FM’s Bryan Dolgin when asked if he had any theories to his drastic splits. “Guys with blue eyes, brown eyes, whatever … and guys with blue eyes have a tough time.”

This “blue eyes can’t hit during the day” idea actually confirms part of a theory of mine that I’ve had for a long time: eye color is the new market inefficiency. Pretty soon, I think we can be sure that managers will be implementing as many platoons based on eye color as they do on handedness. Blue-eyed players will sit during day games, and maybe brown-eyed players will sit on days beginning with the letter “T,” and maybe green-eyed players will be benched when the wind is blowing faster than 15 miles per hour. It’s science, after all.

In case you were separated from the series of metaphorical tubes we call “the internet” last week, you may have missed what I consider my magnum opus as a baseball writer: “Pictures of Ray King.” Unfortunately — and it pains me to admit this — I’ve made a great error of omission, leaving out perhaps one of the most important pictures of the pitcher, Ray King.

Unlike the other pictures, however, this is less a picture of Ray King as much as it is a picture about Ray King. Without further ado, the omitted Picture of Ray King, which can be embiggened with a simple click.

Last night, I read a very silly article on Salon.com. The second paragraph from said article:

This fetishization of the individual has intensified since the 1980s. We see it in political activists’ focus on presidential elections to the exclusion of almost all other political arenas. We see it in young people who have traded in idealistic “save the world” goals for dreams of celebrity. We see it in the revival of Ayn Rand’s Objectivism as a powerful political ideology in Congress. We see it in both the left and the right mindlessly and unquestioningly parroting whichever cable-news deity they revere. Now, we see it even in America’s ultimate team sport.

Let’s forget the political ramblings and focus on that sentence in bold.

Were this not a depository for high-quality musings on the sport of baseball, I’m sure many would be left wondering exactly which sport the author were referring to. If it weren’t for the “America” qualification, my first guess would have been Austrailian Rules Football or maybe hockey. Soccer relies on the intricate interactions of 11 players on each side all at once, as does our football. Basketball requires a well-organized offense with picks and passing and cutting. Even NASCAR, unwatchable as I find it, has pit crews, one of the most impressive team displays in sports.

But no, the author is referring to baseball. The game where, for 90% of the live action, it is merely pitcher versus batter. Even defense, the most team-oriented aspect of sports, is effectively devoid of teamwork outside of the double play and relay throws. Baseball is the sport where “greater than the sum of its parts” is less a thing that actually happens and more a handhold for baffled pundits when a team performs better than expected.

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Your eyes do not deceive you. That is indeed the box art for the long awaited latest installment from 1K sports, MLB 1K884. And who else could be on the cover than Charley Radbourn, he of the 59-12 record and 1.38 ERA for the ‘884 Grays (talk about video game numbers).

The game includes all the features we’ve come to expect from the masters at 1K sports, including

– Career mode, including offseason mill work!
– Realistic injury handling, including appendage removal minigame!
– Player Ratings!
— Bunt
— Field
— Throw
— Pitch
— Hit for average
— Speed
— Stamina (General; Opiates; Women)
— Fisticuffs
— Mustaches
– Murder!
– The revolutionary Syphillis Tracking Meter!

I also hear the first to throw a perfect game wins a crisp new $10 bill! Such a prize is sure to produce some stiff competition, so put in your pre-orders today!

A: Probably all of them.

Doff of a non-racist hat to Scott Skillings on Twitter

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