Earlier today, the wise and enterprising Bradley presented us with an equally the rookie hazing of an equally wise and enterprising team: the Tampa Bay Rays, who went the route of forcing rookies to dress up as various characters (and apparently, one rookie was dressed as a pregnant green fairy) because, you know, they’re rookies. Those bastards.

The Diamondbacks are no stranger to this anti-rookie ideal, but they chose to go with a much different method of hazing the new meat, something a bit more straightforward in its shame.

Bikinis! How embarrassing!

I’m honestly not sure who gets hazed worse here, the rookies who have to wear the bikinis or those who have to look at them (especially you, the reader!).

Also, the question is raised: how in the world do people who spend so much of their lives in Arizona (or even Reno, if they were down in Triple-A) end up so white in the middle of September? I, for one, am concerned about the levels of Vitamin D around the Arizona clubhouse.

Reader Adam (and also my former roommate Pete) have been so kind as to tip me off to this excellent cartoon featuring Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder spending a night together on the Miller Park grass beneath a beautiful Milwaukee night sky.

The relationship between Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder — two, at least on the surface, very different people — has always been a point of interest for me, the consummate Milwaukee Brewers fan. Prince, the gruff, brash slugger. Braun, the renaissance man bringing the bold flavors of the coast back to the midwest. The two seem hardly compatible, and yet they’ve formed one of the most productive (and just plain awesome) friendships in the major leagues.

And now, we finally get a glimpse inside this friendship:

For those of you (like me) into the aesthetics of athletics, the uniforms worn by the University of Maryland Monday night where a largely discussed topic. Many — like the afore-noted Jay Bilas — were all verklempt, in awe at how the Terrapins ‘ football team could wear such an ugly outfit. Others, like me, were confused at first, but have turned over to the dark side of the weird jerseys.

Enough talking. Observe:

Take it in. Form an opinion. Ready? Okay.

Now, back to Bilas’s tweet. “The 1970’s Astros wouldn’t be caught dead in those uniforms.” Rather than make some sort of judgment of what the 1970’s Astros would or wouldn’t be caught dead in, let’s just take a look at what they were definitely caught alive in, via Dressed to the Nines:

So, what do you think? Which were worse? Or, if you’re crazy, which was better (better as in “more good,” not “less bad”). Personally, I think I can appreciate both. Even though I probably won’t be caught dead in either.

In an attempt to fully bastardize the idea of “the royal we,” I have decided to throw my hat into ring of inserting Dick Allen’s name into works of literature. Get ready to have your toes stepped on, Navin and Dayn (but mostly Dayn, you with the talent and originality and what-not).

In this episode, we move to the realm of Westeros, from George R.R. Martin’s A Game Of Thrones — a land where we can be well assured that Dick Allen would be a man of huge appetites, a man who knew how to take his pleasures.

“Why do you read so much?”

Tyrion looked up at the sound of the voice. Jon Snow was standing a few feet away, regarding him curiously. He closed the book on a finger and said, “Look at me and tell me what you see.”

The boy looked at him suspiciously. “Is this some kind of trick? I see you. Tyrion Lannister.”

Tyrion sighted. “You are remarkably polite for a bastard, Snow. What you see is a dwarf. You are what, twelve?”

“Fourteen,” the boy said.

“Fourteen, and you’re taller than I will ever be. My legs are short and twisted, and I walk with difficulty. I require a special saddle to keep from falling off my horse. A saddle of my own design, you may be interested to know. It was either that or ride a pony. My arms are strong enough, but again, too short. I will never make a swordsman. Had I been born a peasant, they might have left me out to die, or sold me to some slaver’s grotesquerie. Alas, I was born a Lannister of Casterly Rock, and the grotesqueries are all the poorer. Things are expected of me. My father was the Hand of the King for twenty years. My brother later killed that very same king, as it turns out, but life is full of these little ironies. My sister married the new king and my repulsive nephew will be king after him. I must do my part for the honor of my House, wouldn’t you agree? Yet how? Well, my legs may be too small for my body, but my head is too large, although I prefer to think it is just large enough for my mind. I have a realistic grasp of my own strengths and weaknesses. My mind is my weapon. My brother has his sword, Dick Allen has his warhammer, and I have my mind . . . and a mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge.” Tyrion tapped the leather cover of the book. “That’s why I read so much, Jon Snow.”

This has been the latest episode of Inserting Dick Allen’s Name Into Works of Literature.

Jim Thome mashed his first tater since rejoining the Cleveland Indians last night. There’s just something kind of special about seeing Thome back with the Indians, as he was one of the guys who has really been a part of my entire baseball watching life and this whole full-circle thing he’s done brings me back to the days of my youth. Or something like that.

Anyway, you should watch the video, and see if you feel how I feel:

For comparison’s sake, Thome’s 200th homer, also at Progressive Jacobs Field back in 2000:

I feel like these two videos could evoke very different things in very different people (such as: nothing), but I had at least a few thoughts pop in to the old skull:

If you use the team pages over at Baseball-Reference, you’re familiar with the “Game Results” portions of the team pages, a relatively new addition. If you’re somehow not familiar, or need a refresher, check out a couple of examples, two of last decade’s iconic teams.

First, the 2001 Seattle Mariners, the team that won a whole lot of games:

(With all images, click to embiggen)

Green marks wins, red marks losses, and the height/depth of the bars mark the margin of victory/defeat. The Mariners made a bunch of green, not so much red.

Now, the Detroit Tigers, a team which instead of winning a bunch of games, did that other thing:

You’ll notice the colors are different, but the graph still reads the same. If you are wondering why the colors are different, it’s so I could do this:

This is the two graphs placed on top of each other. Juxtapo-BAM. With the placements of off days and such, it’s not perfect, but it’s pretty interesting to me how little overlap there is, and how amazing it is we saw two such incredibly good and then incredibly bad teams appear in such a short span.

Is this a thing that people find interesting? I’m not sure, but I want to find out.

Dmitri Young is trying to make his way back into baseball. He’s lost weight and has his diabetes under control (at least, as much as one can do so with such a disease). He was seen at Monday’s Rays-Tigers game cheering on his brother and relatively new Tiger Delmon, and Da Meat Hook is looking pretty good:

Click to embiggen

An opposing fantasy team’s name once told me that Meat Falls From Dmitri. They were right.

And that’s one awesome Masters of the Universe shirt he’s rocking, too. Good for you, Dmitri. And maybe, just maybe, you can come back and improve your ranking as the 948th best hitter of all time. I’ll be rooting for you.

In last night’s Royals-Yankees tilt, there was a bit of controversy surrounding a home run hit by the Royals’ Billy Butler which shouldn’t have been a home run (it hit a padded railing which is in play. Or something). Of course, demonstrating such technicalities is best used with the use of the telestrator, perhaps the greatest piece of modern broadcasting technology. And oh, did they use it well in Kansas City last night.

I would describe what is going on here, but luckily Answer Man Dave Brown (who originally uploaded the picture, thanks Dave!) already did us this solid:

PHOTO: KC broadcast uses telestrator for disputed Butler HR, makes it appear guy w/ beer is peeing blue: http://t.co/5DgW7ym #juvenile

He’s peeing! And it’s blue! On TV! Ha ha! And I must say that’s quite a stream he has going. Don’t even act like you’re not impressed. A big time salute to whoever in the Royals’ booth was operating that telestrator. I know I speak for all of us when I say we couldn’t do it (i.e. life) without you.

This guy is sitting on my desk back home in Madison. He is lonely. You can tell by his face.

So I’ve taken to the internet to find him some company. Let’s swim through the sea of bobbleheads available on the grand old internet!

Read the rest of this entry »

In the sixth inning of Sunday’s game between the Brewers and the Pirates, Hall-of-Famer Robin Yount joined Bob Uecker in the booth. Discussion turned to newly-inducted fellow Hall member Bert Blyleven, and… well, something about a full moon. We’ll let you figure it out.

Mad PrOPS to our fearless leader Carson Cistulli for pulling the audio at my awesome behest.