Perhaps you missed this actual article a couple of weeks ago in Crain’s Chicago Business:

Groupon Inc. today announced a multiyear partnership with Major League Baseball to become the league’s official daily-deals site.

Using its GrouponLive events platform, the company will host deals from several ball clubs on tickets as well as special packages including access to batting practices, luxury box seats and clubhouse and ballpark tours. The deals will be offered on the league’s site, MLB.com.

Aside from Andrew Friedman’s recent use of the “Buy One Royals Prospect, Get Three Free” deal (limited quantities available), what else should we be expecting from this partnership? Your ideas in the comments, but a few of mine:

**Up to 40% off Alex Rodriguez’s 2013 season.

**$5 million for up to $20 million of pitching at R.A. Dickey’s team-friendly-2013-salary warehouse. (Terms of this deal are subject to change.)

**Buy one ticket to an A’s game, sit wherever the heck you want.

**Twenty-five Marlins for the price of… a quarter of Zach Greinke.

**Buy Josh Hamilton, get very worried.

Kevin Towers says Dbacks have lots of deals “marinating” but not “sautéing” becauae “sautéing is a little hotter. Where we are is cooler.”

— Jayson Stark (@jaysonst) December 6, 2012

“…or what I should say, if you want to get technical, is that we have a bunch of deals in the vacuum sealer, because we’re planning to sous vide them. If we suck all the air out of Trevor Bauer and Justin Upton, we’re hoping we can somehow make them more appealing to the Indians, and end up with a 6-team deal where we get a new shortstop. We’re also planning on roasting Daniel Hudson, to really bring out his deep, caramelized flavors and lower his ERA. Did you know Patrick Corbin is poisonous unless you boil him for at least twenty minutes?

“…that grassy, woodsy odor is probably Gerardo Parra. We’ve got him and some applewood in the smoker, and then we’re going to see if we can turn him into a third baseman. If we slice Wade Miley really thin, he’ll make a great #3 starter, but we’re just not sure that him and Jason Kubel on the same plate makes for a good combination. I guess you could say we have a bunch of deals in the ice cream maker, but it isn’t done spinning yet. Of course, Tyler Skaggs is stuck on the anti-griddle and we’re having a bunch of trouble scraping him off.

“…well, I actually shouldn’t have said ‘marinating’ at all. It’s really more of a brine. We thought about using a rub on Paul Goldschmidt but we were afraid it would just mask his natural flavors. We hear Asdrubal Cabrera is really tender and juicy. Of course, we’re worried he tastes too much like Stephen Drew.”

Steroid Abuser Jr.
Jeff Bagwinstrol
Creatine Baldness
Breasty Bonds
Jeff Cypionate
Raised Cholesterol
Regularly Cheating
Jeff Clenbuterol
Sustanon Finley
Julio Felon
Shawn Greenies
Roidberto Hernandianabol
Roiding Kidneydisease
Kenny Liar
Edgar Martestosterone
Doing Meth
Fred McGrowthhormone
Mark McGrossmisconduct
Jaundice Mesa
Jack Morepills
Deca-durabolin Murphy
Rafael Primobolan
Macne Pibacne
Tumors Raines
Reduced Spermcount
Caught Steroiding
Aanovar Selling
Liver Suffering
Steroid Swallower
More Steroids
All True
Liar Walker
Trembling Walker
David Winstrol
Rondell Waste
Badguy Williams
Woody Willcheated

The White Sox last week became the latest team to add an assistant hitting coach, hiring Harold Baines (who was the first-base coach last season) to assist Jeff Manto. This is a growing trend:

Mike Aldrete took the job with the Cardinals in 2008 and last year gave way to John Mabry, who recently was promoted to the top job when Mark McGwire left for the Dodgers. St. Louis is searching for Mabry’s replacement, while Los Angeles hired John Valentin to help McGwire after previously using Jeff Pentland and Dave Hansen in that role.

The Royals and Phillies each added a pair of hitting coaches this offseason, as Andre David will assist Jack Maloof in Kansas City and Wally Joyner will back up Steve Henderson in Philadelphia. The Padres made the move last offseason, hiring Alonzo Powell to work with Phil Plantier.

Both teams in this year’s World Series also had assistants, who now have official titles. The Giants moved Joe Lefebvre into the role during the 2011 season, and the Tigers did the same with Toby Harrah this year.

Besides the White Sox, the Cubs and Rangers have carried an assistant hitting coach at times in the past few years. And while the position hasn’t always stuck, its trend line clearly is headed upward…

The three clubs that added assistant hitting coaches before this past season — the Braves, Giants and Padres — all made significant gains over 2011 in runs scored and OPS, while jumping at least two spots in the National League rankings in both categories.

Am I silly not to be convinced by that rigorous analysis? Not that I want to make an argument that assistant hitting coaches are a bad idea, but surely the fact that three clubs that added assistant hitting coaches all made gains in two cherry-picked categories, with a sample size of one season, isn’t actual statistically-relevant evidence of anything, is it?

Also, the mere addition of an assistant hitting coach would seem to be far, far, far less important than the question of who it is, and how good they are at coaching hitting.

RT @jonmorosi: #Phillies, with needs at 3B and OF, checked in with the recently released Chone Figgins.<–2 years ago maybe,not now though

— gene (@xrossfade42) December 2, 2012

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Systems Architect, Baseball Analytics – My Fantasy Team (New York, NY)

Reports to Director, Baseball Analytics

JOB SUMMARY:
My fantasy team is seeking a highly motivated data architect, systems developer, and flexible user of a very old version of Microsoft Excel to deliver analytics solutions to determine how to convert the league’s complex scoring system into actual concrete advice as far as who to draft, who to trade, and who to bench each week. This individual will also support projects for broader business operations, including desk maintenance and meal preparation. The ideal applicant will be able to manage multiple concurrent projects and blend quietly into the corner of the room.

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1. Dating Justin Verlander

2. Just signed with the Braves

3. Was a young equestrian

4. Named Rookie of the Year*

5. Won a silver medal in Cuba for the Team USA Junior Nationals

6. Made acting debut in the film Tower Heist, as Mr. Hightower’s Mistress

7. Has been benched for lack of hustle

8. Played in the 2011 Taco Bell All-Star Legends & Celebrity Softball Game

9. Is 5-foot-10

10. Weighs 185 pounds

*In the 2011 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue

[Kate: 1,3,4,6,8,9]
[BJ: 2,5,7,10]

Dear NotGraphs Sartorialist,

Thanks,
Runner-Up

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From The Miami Herald (via Baseball Think Factory):

In popularity poll, Miami Marlins’ Jeffrey Loria ekes out a win over Fidel Castro

Only 23 of the respondents (6 percent) had a “favorable’’ opinion of Loria, and a third of those were people who said they personally know him. The only public figure who might lose a popularity contest to Loria in South Florida right now is Fidel Castro (who has a favorability rating of rating of about 1 percent, says pollster Fernand Amandi).

A majority of the season-ticket holders surveyed said they would favor a boycott if it led to Loria selling the team.

Full rankings from the poll:

1. Ozzie Guillen
2. Heath Bell
3. Jill Kelley
4. Bernie Madoff
5. OJ Simpson
6. Casey Anthony
7. Jeffrey Loria
8. Fidel Castro

An experiment.

Chapter One: Odd Man Out

It had been a long week for Alex Anthopoulos, the 35-year-old general manager of the Toronto Blue Jays and native Canadian, accustomed to cold winters and french fries topped with gravy and cheese curds. Not only had Alex pulled off a mega-trade with the Miami Marlins, turning offensive eye-black wearer Yunel Escobar, strikeout-shy Henderson Alvarez, decent relief pitcher Jeff Mathis, and four prospects into a potential superstar core of the next championship Blue Jays team, but he’d also begun to feel, well, “a little strange,” or at least that’s how he put it to his wife, Cristina, over a plate of her homemade caribou stew drowned in maple syrup.

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