Our fearful leader, Carson Cistulli, should be packing for his trip to Spring Training, but it appears that he’s putting the finishing touches on his latest work of substandard genius.
(h/t to the impeccably named Womb-Tang for the picture, and Greg for bringing it to my attention.)
There are situations in life where one is forced to say “hmmm.” These situations can be classified as curious, or causing curiosity. They can also be classified as perplexing, or causing perplexion. Some of these situations may best be described by the C&C Music Factory.
The video below did not cause any of these sensations for me. This video did not make me go “hmmm.”
This video of Hanley Ramirez homering off Jhoulys Chacin prompted me to go “mmmm,” a noise similar to one made after taking a bite from a delicious cut of meat, or hitting a very good drive on the golf course, or perhaps in a post-coital moment of self-actualization. There is no sense of befuddlement after seeing this video. Everything is properly fuddlded. This video does not cause mixed emotions. It may cause many emotions, but not of them mixed. They all point to the same idea: “That was an impressive thing, what I just saw.”
It is a thing that makes you go “mmmm.”
It is a GIF of redemption. Perseverance. Stick-to-it-tive-ness. It is a GIF of Micah Owings, full-time hitter, lacing a double.
h/t: The very assuming Bradley Woodrum
Sources tell me that soon, quite soon, Team USA will start playing games in the World Baseball Classic. This is all fine and dandy, but look at the projected “roster” for this “Team USA.”
No disrespect to manager Joe Torre, but he lacks foresight. This is Team USA. Why burden yourself with filling it with simple baseball players? Mr. Torre needs to make a statement, here. Team USA can be so much more than a simple list of the best players that agreed to play/were allowed to play by their respective MLB teams. Our country is in turmoil. We need to bring America back to its original glory. We need to shine this turd to resemble the great nation of times gone by. America needs a facelift. And a boob job. And certainly a tummy tuck. It starts with the WBC roster. It ends with unadulterated imperialism.
Allow me to punch this up a bit.
1. George Washington, C
2. Henry Ford, CF
3. Ernest Hemingway, 3B
4. George Patton, DH
5. Giancarlo Stanton, RF
6. Ted Nugent, 1B
7. Al Capone, LF
8. Thomas Edison, SS
9. John D. Rockefeller, 2B
THAT. That is an American roster. That is a roster that will propel this nation back to what it once was. Captains of Industry, former leaders, musicians, writers, inventors, professional skullbashers. Two live people and a bunch of corpses. I can smell that trophy already.
U-S-A! U-S-A!
Below are two embiggenable images. One is a picture of Harmon Killebrew. The other is a picture of Harmon Killebrew that I totally messed with. Let’s see who can point out the errors first!
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NEW YORK — Ted Williams, often viewed as the model for hitting consistency in baseball, flirted with perfection on Sunday when he nearly went 11 for 11 in saying the word “yes” the exact same way while appearing on the game show What’s My Line?. Williams, not long after helping defeat the Yankees in a 10-9 win in Yankee Stadium, appeared on the popular show to answer questions submitted by middling celebrities. When Williams had to give a “yes” answer, he did it the very same way each time, almost as if he was playing back the same recording with each response. However, obviously being modest and slightly embarrassed when asked about his military service, gave his final answer in the form of “yeah,” breaking his streak and ending what would have been a date with perfection.
“Of course I thought he could do it,” said Red Sox manager Lou Boudreau, who was in attendance mostly for the free drinks. “He’s Ted [expletive deleted] Williams. I remember a game against the Browns a few years ago when he spit sunflower seed shells into Les Moss’s helmet 48 times in a row while waiting to bat. If he competes, he wins.”
When asked about the final answer gone awry, Williams replied “[Expletive deleted], I didn’t know I was in the middle of a record, I would’ve gone for it. Jesus Christ. This could have been my shot to put that whole DiMaggio [expletive deleted] behind me. I hit .406 that year he got that stupid streak, you know. And I took twice as many walks. Now I’ve blown it again.”
Mr. Williams refused to ask any more questions from this reporter, who was the only sports reporter at a taping of the game show.
The Red Sox have an off-day tomorrow, then travel to Philadelphia to play the Athletics in a game they’ll probably win by, something like, 3 – 2.
One of the biggest stories of this very young preseason is that Yankees’ outfielder Curtis Granderson will be sidelined for a while with an arm injury. This has led many to speculate who will be his replacement. Opinions have been opined about free agents, trades, and internal candidates. Allow me to offer three options no one has mentioned yet.
Being a fan of comedy jokes, I am a fan of the television show Archer on FX. I realize that adult animation (not that kind of adult animation) isn’t for everyone, but if you haven’t checked out at least a few episodes, I suggest you do so. It’s on Netflix Instant, if I’m not mistaken.
The reason I’m bringing this up is that the show made a reference last night to baseball. Archer makes, perhaps, 150 cultural references per episode, but I don’t remember one regarding our favorite game. I won’t give too much away, but it involves a lengthy homage to the movie The Natural.
Could it be that the show’s producers are baseball fans, and used this opportunity to celebrate the coming of another season? I am not privy to this information, but I like to think so. I do know that I enjoy this show and baseball a great deal, and always like it when my cultural worlds collide.
Again, if you haven’t seen the show, please watch a few episodes. If you are a regular, but haven’t seen the most recent, you (as always, really) are in for a treat.
It has been announced that TLC’s reality show about Pete Rose, Pete Rose: Hits and Mrs., will not have a second season. This is most likely for the best, as the show probably didn’t pull that many viewers, and wasn’t very good all-in-all.
I should be up front about something, I love Pete Rose. Well, I love Rose as a character and a player. I don’t know him as a person. It’s cliché, but his persona as a hard-nosed, anything-to-win, day-in-day-out gamer is appealing to me. His nickname is Charlie Hustle, for Christ’s sake. Say what you want about him as a person, but Charlie Hustle is a perfect fucking nickname. Me being a “writer,” Rose’s character also has appeal. Barry Bonds has now eclipsed him, but for a long while, Rose was probably the most controversial ballplayer alive. As fans, we tend to overlook a lot of things a player does in his personal life, but that list ends at drugs (that help you get better at baseball) and gambling (when it directly — and only directly — affects baseball). Since Rose participated in the latter, he’s now been marked a heathen. Whether he’s worthy of the label or not isn’t relevant. Every baseball player has two lives; the before and the after. Rose screwed up the first, and now that has forever become part of his second. He’s two people with the same name and face.
