Jeff Sullivan over at the mother site took some time recently to examine the effortless home run swings of Chris Davis. Davis was at it again today, with such a breezy dong-piece, it deserves some extra attention.
Watch:
Listen:
easy
This has been a GIF and a Tune.
Hello and welcome to another episode of Barreling It with Giancarlo Stanton. Alright Giancarlo, ready to play?
Here’s the question. It’s the top of the 6th inning. You’re down two runs. There’s a man on and you’re in a 2-0 count. Patrick Corbin throws you a 93 MPH fastball down the middle. What do you do?
GS: “I think the answer is Barrel It.”
That is correct. Join us next time for another episode of Barreling It with Giancarlo Stanton.
10. Breath Underwater
Better than not having any super power. Helpful if you’re a Navy Seal. Add fake shark fin for non-stop pranking fun.
9. Climb Walls/Shoot Spider Webs
Benefit to your peeping-tom hobby. Can easily avoid traffic jams. Never have to get up to fetch the remote.
8. Laser Eyes
Never get mugged again. Impromptu bird hunting always a possibility. Legit reason to wear sunglasses at night.
7. Control the Weather
Adds realism while telling scary stories. Perfect lawn. Always snows on Christmas.
6. Hammer-Wielding Alien
Abs. Pecs. Face.
5. Generally “Super” Alien
Bulletproof. Can turn back time. Job at a newspaper.
4. Accelerated Healing Capabilities
No hangovers. Eat all the fast food you want. Invulnerable to logging injuries.
3. Teleportation
Never late for probation meetings. First in line when the liquor store opens. No more bathroom accidents.
2. Flight
Avoid airports. Not required to fly commercial. Seriously, airports are the worst.
1. Invisibility
See every movie for free. Get to see your kids graduation, even though you weren’t invited. Freak people the fuck out.
I am known in certain circles, though not all circles, as an SEO wizard.
Ichiro ranks #1 in AFI’s 50 Greatest Heist Movies of All Time.
YOINK!
Though I’m too lazy to check, I’m fairly certain that I am still the most junior writer here at NotGraphs. I do not need to check to know that I am taking this God-damn site by storm. My meteoric rise is certainly something of note, however it has created a certain level of pressure around me to perform in this inaugural NotGraphantasy Draft. Would I choke under the pressure or would I step up and prove to have a better understanding of the NotGraphs aesthetic than the rest of these jamokes?
That was a rhetorical question. Because I crushed it. I pushed this draft to the ground and humped it into submission. My haunches are dripping with success. Behold:
(note: I picked 6th in this snake draft of 10 teams)
uekersheen
(This is courtesy of WTMJ, from the Sunday game v. the Phillies)
I fancy myself fairly competent at various things. I can play a decent tuba. I’m an OK curler. I can fix your computer. I can … do whatever it is I do here. You may be good at things too — very good, even. I’m sure you worked long and hard at that thing, and you’re very proud of yourself. All of that being said, it pains me to bring up the fact that no matter what you’re good at, you will not be as good at that thing as Bob Uecker is at calling baseball games. Sorry.
The story isn’t the best one he’s ever told, but it’s a perfect example of how he can weave play-by-play with a narrative. You know where the game ends and the story begins (and vice versa), but it’s almost like the words don’t know. They just keep coming, playing off each other. Bob Uecker is all five parts in a jazz quintet. He’s everyone in the improv troupe, and he’s “yes, and”-ing the shit out of himself.
Did Charlie Sheen really say all those things? Probably not. I don’t care. Because Bob Uecker could read the User’s Manual for Adobe CS4, and I’d still listen. This is art. This is science. This is perfection.
Hello everyone. Welcome the Edward Jones Chatting Cage, where we get to know more about some of the biggest people in MLB baseball. I’m your host, Jeremy Brisiel. Today, we’re talking to the new president of the Houston Astros, Reid Ryan. Reid, thanks for joining us.
Thanks, for having me, JB.
Whilst perusing the gentleman’s Internet, I came across the above picture. It features baseball, but it also features a depiction of an antiquated piece of technology. I thought people might find that funny. I also thought people might see it as a pointed commentary on our society’s relationship with technology — i.e. how we can barely learn and become comfortable with something before another newer, better thing is thrust upon us. The second group would probably be reading too much into it, I continued thinking, but that’s OK because discussion is vital for growth.
I was kicking around a couple of ideas for an article. One involved Murphy’s internal dialog as he played a text-based computer game. Another had him hacking into the stadium’s scoreboard.
But then I did a little research on Mr. Murphy, trying to figure out what set of circumstances would cause him to bring a portable computer anywhere near a baseball field. Rob Murphy isn’t just dicking around here. Rob Murphy is a legit geek.
