Jose Constanza just hit a two-run single. Was the resulting bat flip a celebration of this feat, or was it an unsuccessful product of him trying to fling his bat into the stands — giving an adoring fan a memento? We may never know.

There has been much written about home field advantage and strategy when it comes to the Wild Card play-in game. There are some very good articles on this very site, in fact. And while the addition of the second Wild Card team allows us to sit in the dark and contemplate a few more strategies and what-ifs, I shoot for quality over quantity. It’s not how many situations you have to consider, it’s how stupid-crazy those situations are.

That being said, here are four situations from which the owner of home field advantage SHOULD be allowed to choose.

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I was up on the dance floor, trying my best not to make a fool of myself. I was having a good time, though I wasn’t really connecting with anyone. All  the guys seemed interested in other girls. Then, for some reason, my eyes moved down to the back of club, and I saw you. You were dressed a little plainly — grey pants, black shirt, black hat. You had an impressive upper body.

A group moved in front of you and I lost sight. I waited until the song was done, and made my way to the bar. You came up behind me.

“Buy you a drink?” you asked.

I noticed that you didn’t actually have a huge upper body, but were wearing a chest protector, which I thought was weird.

“I’m CB,” you said. “I couldn’t help but notice you up there. You looked great.”

‘Thanks. I should get back. My friends are still up there.”

“You can stay a few minutes, can’t you? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t at least try to talk to the prettiest girl in the place.”

Four hours later, we were still talking as the bar closed. I never did make it back to the dance floor.

(tremendous GIF credit goes to probably-real-person Bill Baer).

• New York State, under the governance of Martin Van Buren, passed the Bank Safety Fund Law. This would later be recognized as a precursor to what we now know as deposit insurance.
• The Engrian region ruled by the Germanic Saxons endured their second defeat under Charlemagne.
• Benjamin Franklin, then deputy postmaster in the colonies, published The Gulf Stream Chart after becoming interested in the disparities in travel time between mail ships traveling to different destinations.
• The Saginaw Bay was populated by the Sauk tribe, having been forced from their territory along the St. Lawrence River by the Iroquois.
• Dante Alighieri, having already completed his Divine Comedy, wrote Monarchia, a call to establish a global monarchy underpinned by the Roman Catholic Church, which he saw as a path to everlasting peace.
• Rudolph I of Germany moved his family to Austria, greatly diminishing the importance of Hapsburg Castle as a dynastical focal point.
• The Zuniceratops, after nearly 10 million years of existence, evolved into what we commonly know now as the Triceratops.
• Jazz pianist Jelly Roll Morton returned to Chicago to perform his recently-published rag The Wolverines around various bars and night clubs.
• The Zhengtong Emperor, after being held prisoner for four years by the Oriat Mongols, was released, as the Ming never paid a ransom since the Emperor’s brother took over the throne under the name Jingtai.
• After rapid expansion and cooling ended, a large concentration of quark-gluon plasma was subject to baryogenesis, causing a small excess of quarks and leptons. This lead to a higher concentration of matter over antimatter that is still seen at present.

(Topical)

“Dad, tell me one more.”

“No, sweetie. It’s time for bed.”

“Just one more! Please! Tell me the one about the White Sox on The Price is Right.”

“It’s already past your bed time.”

“Plllleeeeeeeease.”

“OK. But then it’s lights out.”

“I promise.”

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The Milwaukee Brewers are having a bad year. According to my father, they, depending on the day, fall somewhere between “terrible” and “at least better than the Cubs.” Their division looks to be competitive for a while, they have very few minor-league prospects, and their best player is a no-good lying cheater.

One of the few bright spots of Brewers baseball this year has come in the form of Carlos Gomez. He’s swinging the bat better than he ever has this year, and, of course, is still providing stellar defense. Gomez has 20 HRs this year, but I almost think he should be credited with five more, considering he stole them from opposing hitters. Since there is no song called Jumping in Center Field, I improvised with the toe-tapping tones of Count Basie and his Orchestra with Jumping at the Woodside. My apologies to those with slow Internet connections.

Watch:

Listen:

This has been a GIF and a Tune.

(h/t to Brewers announcer and NotGraphs reader Joe Block for the video links)

I used to gripe about Nick Punto. I used to sneer at Minnesota fans who bought his shirseys and cheered loudly when he came to bat. I used to roll my eyes every time an announcer would laud him for his hard-nosed play, his determination, and, of course, his “scrappy-ness.” I never actively disliked him — never booed or threw a ranting comment into the Internet — but he always just kind of annoyed me. But then, it hit me last night. Nick Punto doesn’t give two shits about what I think. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him. If he does, he certainly doesn’t play that way. Nick Punto has transcended. He has come to the realization that he only gets one shot on Earth, and he gets to spend part of it playing baseball for a living. So, while he has the chance, Nick Punto is going to play exactly the way Nick Punto wants.

Your feelings on Nick Punto are irrelevant, you see.

Godspeed, Nick Punto. Keep on keepin’ on.

This has been Hitting Home Runs with Party Subs. You’re welcome?