In the interest of both (a) not wanting to let a good thing slip away and (b) not making the same mistakes Billy Joel made, I utilized the most recent holiday to tell my wife all about how I love her.
Or, actually, better than that, I had both Rubby de la Rosa and Craig Counsell tell her for me.
(Click to embiggen, jerks.)
Below these words is a giant, embedded tweet. The text of the tweet, which comes from the official Twitter account of Major League Baseball, contains an image — and that image is of the Detroit Tigers’ mascot in a giant cardboard box.
Regarding the image, I have nothing to say. Regarding the text of the aforementioned tweet, I would like to deliver a long and impassioned speech.
Would like to, I say. Lo, I am without an audience — nor are my prospects for gathering one very good. Also, I’m not wearing pants.
In lieu of the speech I would — and, America, could — have given, allow me to make only a brief comment on the suggestion that the following image exists, and was tweeted out, “for no good reason.”
As Aristotle (in his Ethics) and R. Kelly (in every song ever) both note, there are things that are valuable not as a means to another, greater end, but as an end in and of themselves. For Aristotle, that end is the pleasure one derives from wisdom; for Kelly, it is the celebration of the sex act. For still another, it is the very real fact that we live in a world where a real, human person dresses up as a tiger and then sits in a box.
A tiger like this one, in box like this one, too:
MLB Trade Rumors reporting (click to embiggen):
It’s not every day — or even once, really — that you see a professional base-and-ball player (in this case, former Giant and Pirate and Philly John Bowker) holding an eel. It’s all a bit mysterious, really.
Luckily, the above image — which gentleman’s gentleman’s gentleman Patrick Newman has found for us at Japanese site Sanspo — is accompanied by a caption.
While the caption is in Japanese, that’s no problem, really: everything is illuminated by Google Translate, as follows.
Matheson grab a giant eel (left) and Bouka = 10 Sun, Miyazaki city to get a giant eel Matheson (Kumiko Chubachi-shooting) (left) and Bouka = 10 Sun, Miyazaki City (Kumiko Chubachi-shooting)
Pretty self-explanatory, really. Bouka = 10 Sun, Kumiko Chubachi shooting: all the normal stuff you’ve come to expect of this world.
The lives of Archie Bradley and Dylan Bundy are intertwined like so much twine that has been woven or otherwise joined together. Both are right-handed pitchers taken in the first round (Bundy at fourth overall, Bradley at seventh) of the most recent draft. Both were the stars of their respective Oklahoma high school teams. And both those high school teams played each other to decide the 2011 Oklahoma state 6-A baseball championship. Furthermore, there is a distinct physical resemblance between the two — particularly in the Haircut part of the body.
The observer is struck by a notable difference in these images however (which the author definitely didn’t come across while attempting to scratch a certain newfound itch for sporting collectibles) — namely, that Bradley appears to be a cheerful sort, at harmony with the world and everything in it, and with a conscience as clean as a Cotton Mather’s codpiece. On the other hand, there is Bundy (more like Moribundy, innit?), a decidedly sullen-looking type, wearing the expression of one who’s peered into the lower elements of his soul and been unable to shake from his mind’s eye what he saw there.
The damning evidence.
One of my favorite games to play is the Blame Game, which is why I’d like to begin this post by blaming the parties most directly responsible for my heinous actions on the afternoon of February 9th, 2012 — which actions involved mainly the prolonged research, and subsequent purchase, of 24 baseball cards, coming to a total of approximately $50.
I blame the internet’s Common Man for forcing me to attend TwinsFest the weekend before last, an event (i.e. TwinsFest) that forced me to become curious about The State of the Hobby. I blame the editors of BaseballCardPedia (and recent podcast guests) Chrises Harris and Thomas for patiently answering all my questions about The State of the Hobby. I blame my wife for leaving me at home, unattended, for hours at a time, as if I knew how to take care of myself. I blame the neurotransmitter dopamine — and the reward system of my brain, generally — for somehow allowing the research, and subsequent purchase, of baseball cards to provide me with great pleasure. And finally, I blame Big Oil — which, even though they didn’t do anything specifically, they’re probably somehow involved.
Phil Mackey covers the Twins and other Minnesota sporting clubs for 1500 ESPN Twin Cities. He also — if this recent Tweet is any indication — has another, slightly more clandestine beat, as well.
If ever, reader, you were the sort to click on an image with a view to embiggening it, this post — and, specifically, the image embedded here to the right — represents an excellent opportunity to revisit that practice.
Never clicked and embiggened before? It’s not as difficult or dangerous as it sounds. What’s really central to it is the clicking part, as the embiggening is actually just the result of that cause.
What one will find in this photo, after the appropriate measures have been taken, is Hall of Famer George Brett and teammate Bo Jackson, circa 1989, presenting from the lush fields of Baseball City, FL what is known to aristocrats everywhere as the doigt d’honneur — presenting it both to (a) some sort of freelance photographer and (b) future Americans, like us.
This image, signed by Brett himself, appears to be available in exchange for American currency, via reputable online auction house and retailer of pornographic materials eBAY.
Finger of honor to FanGraphs editor Robert Sanchez.
Matt Purke is a 21-year-old left-hander out of TCU, taken in the third round of the most recent draft by the Washington Nationals. Basically every photo of him is pretty excellent.
Today, we’re going to learn about the different emotions that Matt Purke has.
Sad:
We have previously documented in these electronic pages managing editor Dave Cameron’s blossoming career as Official Media Personality. As part of this coverage, we’ve documented just as thoroughly Dave Cameron’s Total Aversion to Blinking.
If the above-embedded video footage of Cameron’s most recent appearance on Clubhouse Confidential is any indication — particularly the parts around the 0:21 and 0:38 marks — we will (unfortunately) be documenting less of the latter.
