With a view to acquiring as many hot and sexy sexual partners as is sexually possible, the reader has no doubt made a point of acquainting him- or herself with what scientists and TV’s Rashida Jones, probably, have both referred to as “the greatest aphrodisiac” — i.e. the Study and Analysis of Baseball Prospects.

One knows from reading pieces at FanGraphs, for example, that Jurickson Profar is major-league ready, that Dylan Bundy has a curveball that willn’t stop to the tick-tock, and that Chase Anderson’s changeup has the potential to inspire religious experience within onlookers. One has maybe even seen videos that support these claims. With regard to actually watching these players live, however, there are more questions to be asked. Or, at least one question to be asked — specifically, “What MiLB.TV feed is best for seeing this or that prospect?”

The present author — in an effort that is already receiving attention from the Nobel committee in at least two or four categories — has resolved to answer this exact question.

What follows is the first part of that answer: a catalog and ranking of all the main cameras from each International League club’s MiLB.TV feed. A similar effort for other minor leagues will follow in subsequent posts.

Note that each club’s main (usually center-field) camera has been evaluated according to three criteria, as follows:

Shot Angle
In which more central and lower is generally preferred.

Shot Size
In which closer up and not longer is generally preferred.

Video Quality
In which a higher resolution, nicer graphics, etc., are generally preferred.

The cameras are ranked as follows: the bottom three, the top three, and then the rest. Some brief notes follow the collection of screenshots.

Bottom Three
13. Charlotte Knights (Chicago White Sox)

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One might suppose, looking at the graphic here of Tampa Bay’s defensive alignment from their game earlier on Sunday against Oakland, that Sun Sports’ producers have made an error of some sort.

In fact, that isn’t the case. Instead, what we have here is an entirely accurate representation of the Rays’ most extreme and creative shift to date — one which requires not one, but two, Kelly Johnsons.

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David Ortiz has an announcement to make regarding Boston — which announcement utilizes language typically reserved only for the bedroom and the boardroom.

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Mets right-hander Matt Harvey is facing Nationals right-hander Stephen Strasburg right now, an event which Americans are duty-bound to watch — unless, that is, they have other plans or merely don’t want to.

Here are Harvey’s first three swinging strikes of the night, from the first inning. Note that (a) all three whiffs are on fastballs and that (b) the league average swinging-strike rate for fastballs is merely 6%, according to Texas Leaguers.

Here’s the first swinging strike, to retire leadoff batter Denard Span:

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Unlike many others that have appeared in these pages, the following tweet actually is altered from the original — and in such a manner as might justifiably be denounced as puerile and sophomoric and even jejune.

And yet, as James Earl Jones once definitely wrote, “There comes a time when all the cosmic tumblers have clicked into place and the universe opens itself up a few seconds to show you what’s possible.” In this case, of course, “what’s possible” is a joke about Derek Jeter’s gentleman’s ass — nor is the present author inclined to contradict the universe on this matter.

To wit (click to embiggen):

Max Scherzer is what is commonly referred to as a “human constellation.”

Tigers right-hander and noted avant-garde sportsman Max Scherzer has probably written — and certainly has never denied writing — a book called The Art of Pitching.

What follows is likely an excerpt — and isn’t necessarily not an excerpt — from that same book.

3. For the pitcher, success is the residue of beauty. The former proceeds from the latter, only.

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The author — because he studied the relevant martial art as a five-year-old in the basement of a Concord-area* travel agency — knows that the karateka never uses his training to initiate combat, but only to defend himself.

*Concord, New Hampshire (i.e. where all the best dojos are located).

As the footage embedded here suggests, however, that precept has been problematized today by Kansas City shortstop Alcides Escobar — who, as anyone with eyes can see, is very clearly karate-chopping his own self.

Indeed, it’s not outside the realm of the possible that Escobar is making a subtle, if important, point: it is the individual’s own ego, ambition, and desire which are his greatest enemies, not the buffoons of a martial-arts film or evil Cobra Kai sensei John Kreese.

A sketch by Emerson of Max Scherzer’s changeup.

The NotGraphs Archival Research Team, in conjunction with the Ralph Waldo Emerson Society, has uncovered today the following — what appears (unbelievably) to be a scouting report, from Emerson’s notebooks, of Detroit right-hander Max Scherzer.

Improbably, the report seems to have been written in the early 1830s — not only ca. 150 years before Scherzer’s birth, but also about 10-15 years before Alexander Cartwright published the rules of what has become the modern game.

The language used by Emerson bears a close resemblance to that which he would use a short time later, in his first and long essay Nature.

Note that, as no specific pitch types had been developed yet, the present author has been compelled to derive same from context. (Although, it should be noted that we would likely benefit as a society from adopting Emerson’s own pitch-type monikers.)

Envoy of Beauty (Fastball)
One might think it was made to give man the perpetual presence of the sublime. If he threw it just every thousand years, men would preserve for many generations the remembrance of it! Instead, he throws it about 50-60% of the time, and lights the universe up.

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There’s no obvious reason why it would be the case, but if the reader woke up this morning with a newfound resolve just to like the hell out of Dodgers outfielder Tony Gwynn, this video of him playfully mimicking a particularly vocal member* of the outfield bleachers (during a PCL game, it would appear) is going to be rather helpful in that endeavor.

*And/or Sam Kinison impersonator?

Video courtesy balls.ie, it appears and brought to the author’s attention on Facebook via Seth Stohs.

Pirates right-hander Phil Irwin’s very first major-league inning wasn’t what anyone would call “ideal” — on account, that is, of the two walks and two hits and two runs conceded.

What that same inning also featured, though, was Phil Irwin’s very first swinging strike — not surprisingly by way of his curveball, which has been known to provoke religious experiences even in the steeliest non-believers.

Here’s that inaugural swinging strike, to Cincinnati’s Todd Frazier:

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