Celebrated Dodgers prospect Yasiel Puig has, like 15 minutes ago, officially hit his first official major-league home run. Because many of his previous home runs have been accompanied by what late New Yorker editor William Shakespeare would have described as “dramatic flourish,” the prospect of Puig’s first major-league home run has served as a matter of some interest.

Indeed, there’s little drama here. So far as the author can detect, there’s a suggestion of flip — much in the way that there’s a suggestion of red fruit in this delicious Malbec right here — although it’s also the case that Puig’s swing generally possesses recoil like this.

Are we disappointed? Perhaps. But not nearly as much as we’ll one day be in our children. Or in our children’s children. Or (especially) in our children’s children’s children.

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Very exciting Dodger prospect Yasiel Puig ended his first ever major-league game with the good kind of double play, catching a fly ball off the bat of Kyle Blanks with one out in the top of the ninth, and then doubling up otherwise totally blameless Italian-American Chris Denorfia at first base — and creating SEO Magic in the process.

In the sense that the footage here of David Ortiz dispensing of his bat in a manner the author will describe as “aggressively insouciant” both (a) originates from last night and (b) has already been celebrated by l’internet entier, it’s probably fair to say that the present bat-flip alert is belated.

And yet, consider: George Washington died over 200 years ago. Do we not, though, still discuss in history classes and on American streetcorners how he (i.e. Washington) personally and with great physical exertion disemboweled no fewer than every stateside member of the British Navy in the waning hours of the Revolutionary War? We do, is the very obvious answer.

The point: while an event occurs just once, it sometimes requires much in the way of speculation and commentary to be completely understood. Will schoolchildren in 200 years speak in hushed and reverent tones about Ortiz’s bat flip against the Yankees? No, they won’t — for a number of reasons which have already been accounted for by various science-fiction plots. That said, there’s likely something to be gained by carrying into Monday our reflections on Ortiz’s own personal declaration of independence from Sunday.

“The purpose of art,” the present author has often proffered, while nursing a brandy, to an eager and waiting audience, “is to re-create the entire Human Condition in a single, unapologetic volley.”

It was that precise wisdom-thought which the author had in mind when he took the photo embedded here of Fifth Third Bank Ballpark — home of Class-A Cubs affiliate, the Kane County Cougars — in Geneva, Illinois, this past Saturday. It was also the wisdom-thought he (i.e. that same author) had in mind when he very artfully applied one of Instagram’s default filters to the image in question, before uploading it to his entirely unique profile page on that same site.

You, reader, sitting there alone in what has charitably been referred to as a “studio apartment,” but which is actually more accurately described as the “halfway house between your miserable birth and miserable death” — you desperately want to know what love is.

Fortune, which has so often beaten you about the legs and chest and neck, has brought you now to the present internet weblog post — and, more specifically, to the image embedded here of the Kiss Cam from an Erie SeaWolves game at historic Jerry Uht Park.

A Jubilee of Eroticism? A Sexy Luncheon on the Grass? There are many words and phrases for the unchecked carnal pleasures at work within this heart-shaped mise-en-scene.

What we have ultimately, though, is a Primer in Love. The sad, sad reader would do well to study it. Eagerly.

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Become acquainted with all of Eno Sarris’s flawless pronunciations by clicking this hyperlinked text.

It is often said — not by the present author, it should be noted, but surely by an elderly writer somewhere with an impressive baritone voice — that baseball is a “child’s game played by grown men,” or something to that effect.

The merits of the sentiment are debatable, of course: leisure oughtn’t necessarily be the provenance of children alone, nor is it right necessarily to suggest that professional baseball is populated exclusively by entirely mature adults.

The finer points of the debate aside, it has become clear in the last hour that certain personnel within the Arizona Diamondbacks organization are committed to celebrating semi-publicly the connection between the innocence of youth and our honored game, which point the club has made implicitly by producing the lineup card pictured above, completed entirely in Comic Sans — i.e The Official Typeface of the Innocence of Youth.

Credit to the gentlemen rock stars of Productive Outs for bringing this image to the author’s attention.