Examples of not baseball players.

Within the last 24 hours, both former Twins prospect Joe Benson and also former excellent A’s left-hander Mark Mulder have signed minor-league deals with the Marlins and Angels, respectively. What if — this post asks, though — what if, instead of Benson and Mulder the baseball players, what if the Marlins and Angels had signed Benson and Mulder the beloved fictional characters of American television?

“I guess that’d be pretty weird,” someone would probably say. “Please stop talking to me,” is likely another comment a person could make. “That’s not really a thing,” a third, totally accurate source could also assert.

True, truer, and truest, is how one might evaluate all those claims, in no specific order.

The soul of every man, as seen through the eyes of Albert Camus.

If even one of his books is an indication, Algerian-born author and thinker Albert Camus was on something more than nodding terms with that insufferable condition known as Reality. This is the sort of person to whom one should be looking for wisdom and utterances which contain wisdom.

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(COREY KLUBER is at home, listening to a French language-learning podcast.)

PODCAST HOST
In the conversation you’ve just heard, Romain has explained to Pauline his holiday travel plans. Now practice your speaking skills by repeating the following sentence from the conversation.

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The following tweet, which concerns a real and not fake roster move by the Cleveland Indians, is entirely and in-no-way altered from the original (click to embiggen):

A recent experiment conducted by the author — in his capacity not as a baseball writer, it should be noted, but rather as a mere private citizen — has revealed that taking to the internet in search of the phrase “hard angry confrontation” produces what Lord Byron probably described in Don Juan somewhere as “pleasures manifold.”

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That ugly, fascist thing known as “accountant’s truth” suggests to those gathered here today that the image embedded above depicts former Orioles first baseman Randy Milligan taking batting practice at the future site of Camden Yards in 1990. What the worthwhile and compelling “ecstatic truth” suggests, however, is that what one finds here is actually a photo sent to us from either during or just after the apocalypse — a time when Randy Milligan still partakes in batting practice, but only as a fleeting reminder of how simple and unfettered life was before the world destroyed itself.

Credit to MLB Cathedrals and probably some other entity for image.

Andres Galarraga is definitely inside this box.

Inside of this box has recently been placed a flask of poison, a bit of radioactive material, a Geiger counter, and — largely against his will, it should be said — former Colorado and Montreal first baseman Andres Galarraga (known commonly during his career as The Big Cat). The equipment has been arranged such that, should the Geiger counter detect the decay of even one atom over the next hour, it will release a hammer and shatter the flask of poison, thus killing Andres Galarraga. The likelihood of such a contingency is about 50%.

Questions:

1. An hour from now, when the box is opened, will Andres Galarraga be alive or dead?

2. If Andres Galarraga is alive, how angry will he probably be?

This image certainly isn’t more absurd than what you’re about to do.

The author, who will remain nameless, has created a morbid and dumb and impossible and morbid baseball-related Sporcle quiz — to which comment the reader is maybe thinking, “Pssh, I bet I can totally answer it.” And to which hypothetical thought, the nameless author is now replying: “No. No, you can’t.” And also replying: “Even if you could, what’s the point, really?”

To click the image is equally to embiggen it.

There are a number of strong arguments for watching 2012 feature-length documentary Pelotero which might reasonably be made by way either of spoken or written discourse. Like that it’s a revealing portrait of Dominican baseball, for example. Or that it’s an arresting portrait of baseball in the Dominican Republic, for other example.

Among the arguments one might make visually, however, there are few likely stronger than the one presented above of (what the author believes to be) Miguel Sano’s younger brother Ernestico both in diapers and on a miniature police motorcycle. Is Ernestico prepared to protect and serve the citizenry of San Pedro de Macoris? “Yes,” one is forced to conclude. Is he entirely comfortable yet with making toilet? “Less so, probably,” is the answer to that second question.