Put your 3D glasses on your face because Evan Longoria hit a homer directly through your television set on Saturday night:
Imagine: If you, lucky you, had been poised near yonder catwalk camera with, say, a ten-foot pole and net, mayhaps you could have snared a souvenir of your own — a home run souvenir.
“I want to sit in right field because that’s where Dioner Navarro is going to hit a home run.”
That was me, your humble author. I made this pronouncement on August 19, 2013, around 6:48 p.m. Then, at approximately 8:23 p.m. that same evening, Dioner Navarro did this:
Do you doubt my powers?
I encountered the following video-film while trying to figure out who exactly Ron Kittle is. Kittle made his debut in 1981, six years before my humble birth.
VIDEO GREATNESS CHECKLIST:
* Mention of Dick Allen? ✓
* Harold Baines with a magnificent afro? ✓
* Bill Veeck complaining? ✓
* Plattitudes and “happy talk”? ✓
* Current Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf asking “What are we doing here?” ✓
* Superb White Sox uniforms that look homemade? ✓
* Prison puns? ✓
* Rudyard Kipling allusions? ✓
* Disney-esque closing music? ✓
Regard:
The Rays 2013 pregame clubhouse entertainment now includes at least:
• A DJ.
• A magician.
• A meringue band.
• A flock of penguins.
• A cockatoo.
• Bushels of plantains hanging from the lockers.
• A 20-foot python.
I may be forgetting one or two.
Should 5.2 WAR across 3013 PA net you a bobblehead? That depends. Do you have a set of vision adjusters like these?
Then, yeah, you probably deserve a bobblehead.
My mama jus said to me you had 3 strikeouts tonight.. Do you even see the ball?
— Desmond Jennings (@d_jennings8) August 3, 2013
Smh I love that woman
— Desmond Jennings (@d_jennings8) August 3, 2013
Many MLB players have ego problems. Something tells me — not “something”; I can be more specific — a close analysis of recent Desmond Jennings tweets informs me Desmond Jennings probably does not have an ego problem.
Frankly, I don’t think I’m daring enough to risk saying “Are you blind?” to a professional athlete — a lean 6-foot-2 athlete who swings a large stick for a living — when said athlete knows my home address.
See results.
Yesterday, Carson Cistulli’s proprietary equations determined that Wil Myers bat flips were alone in this galaxy. Simultaneously, DRaysBay user Edged was presenting this above GIF, in which Myers throws the bat right through your computer monitor.
Don’t put on your 3D goggles, kids! It will only make your eyes bleed.
If you have a television and that television has sports powers, you, sir or madam, probably saw this last evening:
A million life-debts to SB Nation for so precisely and cleanly enGIFing this so precisely and cleanly turned double play. And thank you Yunel Escobar and Ben Zobrist; thank you for you Jedi-like connectedness that allows for the glove-flip-to-bare-hand turn. I thank everyone.
This has been a HOT GIF.
The term "pimping a homerun" does not do Dan Vogelbach justice here http://t.co/VmD7wg3XkL (courtesy of a @minorleagueball commenter)
— Andrew Gill (@AndrewDGill) July 21, 2013
Watch that GIF, and listen to this:
Or, if you find Vogelbach’s saunter somewhat edged, his bat flip somewhat angry, if you thinks there’s a zephyr of suffering that carries the ball to left field, play this adaptation instead:
Is he Daniel Vogelbach? Is he Vogelbux? Is he Vogelbored? Vogelbroken? Vogelballin?
Today, maybe we decide.
Framing is an alright talent, says Jose Molina, but if you want a real unique skill, try to match this:
Your move, Jonathan Lucroy.