Ask Uncle Carson: The Case of the Blue Wigs

Please believe me, reader, when I say, first of all, that I’m nowhere near as old as — and considerably less bedraggled than — my colleague Dayn Perry. Please believe me also, though, when I say that, as a 31-year-old man, I’ve learned some things in this life — some things that I’d like very much to pass on, just as men Dayn’s age, before their respective and uniformly disturbing deaths, have passed on to me.

It’s for this reason that it warmed the cockles of my heart today to receive a tweet from Will, a UTK freshman and (it would seem) Pieter Bruegel enthusiast. Will is looking for an explanation as regards the image you see embedded above. Let’s see if Uncle Carson can’t satisfy Will’s curiosity!

It’s very possible, Will, that you’ve had some experience in your life where you felt hurt or wronged. Perhaps a girl broke up with you. Perhaps your parents forbade you from joining some friends on a sexy weekend ski trip. Perhaps (gasp!) you remember life before NotGraphs. In any case, it’s likely that you had a strong reaction. You got over the experience, sure, but it was unpleasant for as long as it lasted.

There’ll come a time in life, though, Will, when you’ll become incapable of feeling anything strongly. It doesn’t happen overnight; it’s gradual. But slowly, over time, it happens. Any sense of injustice, of anger, of ambition — it all dissolves, leaving only a husk of a human being behind.

That is, in short, what you see here, Will: two people entirely devoid of that barometer for conduct that is human emotion. You and I could — if we wanted, Will — we could mock the couple pictured here, both for their weird blue wigs and the lapse in judgment that compelled them to wear same. But our (likely hilarious) invective would fall on deaf ears, Will, for this is a pair incapable of shame.

Rather, what you see here, Will, is a couple who’ve entered a bizarro Eden — one without a serpent, though, or the fruit that said serpent would convince them to eat.

Hope that helps!

Sincerely,
Uncle Carson