Ask NotGraphs (#8)

Hey NotGraphs,

I’m tired of reading about how wonderful all the players have been in the offseason. I am also a little bit tired of reading how everybody has turned a corner and is ready to have a career year. Could you give me a list of all the players who will suck for 2012? Not due to injury or anything awful, just a few guys who everybody has pencilled into their lineup who will absolutely suck. Preferably guys who will continue to get pencilled into the lineup over and over again.

I mostly want to watch for these folks around the league this year, to lift my spirits, because I spend most of my time thinking my team is the only one with sucking players. You know, players who are like a black hole in the lineup or rotation. Therefore you can omit any Blue Jay players who will suck. I know all their names already.

Thank you,
GW

Hey GW,

Oh, come on, you’re a Blue Jays fan– what do you have to complain about? You have the best GM in baseball, a team full of young players absolutely worth rooting for, with unbelievable upside– Colby Rasmus, Brett Lawrie, Brandon Morrow– Travis d’Arnaud on the way, Travis Snider still with a fighting chance to be a star, J.P. Arencibia, Ricky Romero, and arguably the best player in baseball, Jose Bautista. Why are you wallowing in the depths of despair? You don’t think the Orioles fan from two weeks ago wouldn’t trade places with you in a heartbeat? I wish I were a Blue Jays fan. Heck, I wish I’d been a Blue Jays fan for the past four years, because then maybe I wouldn’t have let Adam Lind, Ricky Romero, Brandon Morrow, Brett Cecil, Kyle Drabek, and Edwin Encarnacion all go unprotected off my Scoresheet team– and I’m about to do the same with Travis Snider and watch him win the MVP award this year. The Blue Jays are one of the few teams out there worth rooting for. They don’t deserve ungrateful fans like you.

But on to your actual question, which I am the least qualified writer on FanGraphs to answer. Uninjured players, with full-time roles, who will unexpectedly suck this season. Let me go down the Average Fantasy Draft Position List on FFToolbox and see who jumps out at me, and I’ll make some random uninformed guesses. Even better, I’ll open it up to the comments. Who do you think will most– and most unexpectedly– suck? You know what, leave your guesses here, and if they’re still letting me write come October, I’ll come back to this post and award the most clairvoyant commenter an imaginary prize. Pick 5 players. Don’t care what positions. Full-time roles. Unexpected terribleness. The Adam Dunn prize.

Here are my five:
Mark Teixeira
Mike Morse
Alex Avila
Matt Joyce
Brennan Boesch

Good luck,
Jeremy

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