Ask NotGraphs!
Dear NotGraphs,
Why does NotGraphs have to end?
Thanks,
#KeepNotGraphs
Dear Hashtag,
NotGraphs has to end because everything must end.
NotGraphs has to end because Cole Hamels.
NotGraphs has to end because of the situation in Gaza.
NotGraphs has to end because Vin Scully made it a condition of broadcasting next season.
NotGraphs has to end because Bud Selig.
NotGraphs has to end because of global warming.
NotGraphs has to end because the Internet is not big enough to support it.
NotGraphs has to end because GIFs have been outlawed.
NotGraphs has to end because there is no pleasure without pain.
NotGraphs has to end because the world is evil.
Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.
Sorry, I have no time to read your petty words as I practice gurgling the phrase “#KeepNotGraphs” with what liquid remained at the bottom of this here bottle of whiskey.
You did this to me, NotGraphs.