Aluminum Bat, Snapped Like Sapling

As everyone knows, there are just five laws of the universe, which, of course, is the same number of people you meet in Heaven. Anyhow, one of those laws, handed down on ancient papyrus, is that, “Tailing fastballs, regardless of velocity and action, shall not — indeed, shan’t — saw off an aluminum bat.”

For eons, we as a stinking people have ordered our lives around this simple principle. Yesterday, however, our notions of the provably true and demonstrably false were beaten savagely about the head, neck, face, chest, and rascal basket. It turns out, given the proper confluence of absurd events, aluminum bats can, in point of fact, be obliterated by a hellbent two-seamer.

If that doesn’t send the physicists scurrying like a bunch of frightened Jason Tyners, then I don’t know what will.

(Tip of my newly vulnerable aluminum hat: Big League Stew)