Alternative Uses for $162 Million

The Mets’ ownership recently settled the infamous Bernie Madoff-related lawsuit for a reported $162 million. That money could have gone to much better uses, such as charities; or, better yet, the items listed below:

• 3.6 million: clipboards made of body armor.

• 1.62 million: buckets of baseballs

• 269,550: shares of Apple, Inc.

• 27,000: of these $6,000 toilets that include a touchscreen remote control and feet warmer.

• 6.37: seasons of Albert Pujols.

• 3.14159265: Cistullis.

• 1: episode’s worth of FCC fines accrued by Dayn Perry on FanGraphs Audio.

Oh, and a partridge in a pear tree.