A Baseball Blogger Has a Nightmare

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Oh, sorry honey. I just the worst dream.

I was in the future, and the Marlins had just won the World Series.

I know. After everything they did. After all the teardowns we did of them, they still won. It was so … so scary.

Fernandez and Ozuna ended up signing long-term money-friendly deals early, and Stanton stayed put. They somehow built a team around a core of young players. Loria was trying so hard to screw it up, but he couldn’t. The Marlins won the World Series.

And nobody knew what to think of it. Like, we were happy for the players for winning in spite of their circumstances, but  on the other hand, Jeffrey Loria won. That was the worst part. Nobody really gave two shits about the Marlins, they were way more pissed that the bad guy won. It was like the end of Empire Strikes Back, but we were Luke, and enjoying baseball was our lightsaber hand.

I mean, from the Expos, to blowing up two World Series teams, to the ballpark fiasco, to the 2012 fire sale, to suing season ticket holders … AND THIS GUY WINS?! IS THERE NO JUSTICE?!

And they had this big parade and everything. It was the worst. All these people in brand new Marlins hats lined the streets. People kept yelling “I LOVE YOU MIKE STANTON!”

And then we all had to write all these articles guessing if he’d sell off the whole team again, and how even though they won, the way Loria went about it was all wrong. But all the commenters called us stupid because to them the proof was in the pudding. And then the newspaper columnists, MY GOD THE NEWSPAPER COLUMNISTS! They peacocked around so much, you’d swear the ghost of Christy Matthewson had just decapitated Mike Trout. Murray Chass had a heart attack. Morosi open-mouth kissed Loria on national TV. It was crazy.

Go back to sleep, baby. I’ll be OK. It was just all so jarring, you know?

I’ve never been trolled in a dream before.